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The last time I cried was probably recently, and one of the times I was thinking about how my now former best friend just rejected me. Getting away from her has given me a chance to think about what sort of person she really is, and see behind the mask she wears.But, her just breaking contact with me, and ignoring me everytime she comes to my house to vist her boyfriend ( who is one of my roommates) still tears my heart out..It just really hurts alot when you share everything with someone, and one day, they just want nothing to do with you. And you find out that all the times you spent with them that seemed good, they weren't really happy..They were just wearing a fake ass smile,because they thought that would make you happy..And, that person wanted you to be happy, not because they really liked you, but because it made them feel like a nice person.That f*cking bitch should have told me that is how she felt about me for the last 3 years, I wasted my time on her, when I could have spent more time with people who really care about me.. I feel really used now, and really angry. Which is why I have been making certain noobs here my punching bag for the last week.That, and the fact that they really are assh*les.. I take my anger out on the noobs, because I can't confront the bitch,because that would create an ackward situation for my roommates..If her boyfriend wasn't living with us, I would bitch her out for what she did in a second..

She is over right now.And, probably staying over tomorrow night too. Goody for me.I really f*cking wish tomorrow wasn't one of my days off from work..I am not going to cry this time about her not even acknowledging my existence..No, I am going to find some way to annoy her without looking like I am doing anything. Revenge is so very, very sweet..

I am surprised I managed to cry about this situation..Usually, when something really really hurts, I don't cry..I just push the painful feelings back. Or find someway to deny that the situation that hurt me even happened.That is not healthy, I know. Maybe it is the only way I feel that can handle some of the things that have gone wrong in my life. By not thinking about them, which is bad, because doing that insures that I will never get over them.

The last time I cried was Saturday. It was one of my usual "I'm scared of what will happen to me in the future" moods.

The last time I cried was around X-mas of 2004. My dad and I got into an argument, nothing huge. The problem was that after we argued, my dad got mad and started yelling at my sisters for no reason. He got mad and then left the house, so I felt like everyone was mad all because of me. And plus it was X-mas time and the family should be happy and I felt like I was ruining everyone's X-mas, so I cried just out of dramatic effect.

The last time I cried was in August 17, 1999 because of the earthquake in turkey. In fact I cried every single day for the next 2 month.

Oh wow... the last time I cried was last October. My family and I went to an Italian restaurant and we had a little too much to drink.

We safely got back home, but while we were home, we had some more wine and my brother and I started getting emotional because of the music he was playing and because of sharing our fears together.

I cried in my father's arms that night because of his words of comfort. I honestly have a fear of failure. Everyone in my life sees me as a very intelligent person who takes challenges head on and seeing them seeing me fail is sometimes the hardest thing I have to face.

When I screwed up my college career in 2003 because of personal demons, I took it really hard because of how disappointed my family was with me. I'm *NOW* coming back to school this summer to raise my GPA and repair my screwups so I can earn my degree and start a new chapter in my life.

I can't even remember the last time that I cried, so I can't really post it here, now can I?

Seriously, though, it's been a long time. I'm just not an emotional person, I guess.

M00ndragom69.

Wanting to kill that woman is something natural. That is a healthy reaction. If you felt differently for any reason, religious or otherwise, then something is wrong with you.
What culture has done to you has unfortunately turned you into a hypocrite.When you suspect unfaithfulness, you are bound to be tortured by jealousy, by hate and by the agony that is going on inside you.If you can make it possible without going mad, good luck to you!

When I found out a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, I sent her an e-mail before she left to get it treated. I remember tearing up a bit when sending it.

She's doing okay now. She just had her liver worked on and is feeling great. In fact, she's looking forward to seeing me soon.

I better end it right there before I go all gooey again...

Umm, I don't want to kill her..Then she wouldn't learn anything..No, I want to really, really piss her off, expose her to everyone for what a bitch she really is ( which I pretty much already am doing, I am not the only friend she has been treating like sh*t), and put her in a position where she feel sad lonely and rejected..Then send her a cruel email, telling her that she got what she deserved, and that she is a not the nice person she wishes she was, and that she is a backstabber and a phony.. That would hurt her more than killing her, because she would once again be confronted with the knowledge that she isn't the great person she imagines herself to be.

She once told me that when she was a kid, she went around being mean to people..She played mind games on people and such..Then, one day, some of her peers confronted her, called her mean, and it upset her so much that she changed into this people pleaser who did and said anything she thought other people wanted..This was years before she and I met..When she told me the story, I just figured what she was describing was the normal f*cked up things kids do.Like what we see on South Park, alot of kids are mean little bastards but they learn better when they grow up. So, when she told me this, I told her, she was just a kid and she probably wasn't that bad..But, I guess this sh*t was more than her over reacting to her embarrassment of how she was as a kid..No what she writes in her live journal confirms that the her I had gotten to know and love didn't exist, and now that she is being more like she really is, she is being a total bitch, and hurting me and other people I care about. It was obvious she didn't learn anything from being confronted about her meanness in the past, she only cared to change for awhile, because she didn't want people to think badly of her.. For me, that isn't enough. No, she has to know why how she treats other people is wrong, and learn to have some f*cking empathy for others.


By the way, if you think about it, everyone is a hipocrit at some point. Everyone contradicts themselves at some point in their life time.. And, if you hear the word HIPOCRIT or see it appear on the board enough in a short period of time, that word looses its power.