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Simply put. Just give us whatever it is you've got!

I've started things off by saying:

We have a basketball team here that is SO BAD, local sports bars no longer allow people who wear their merchandise!

(Rating optional.)

I remember once I was flirting with this girl in high school. She called me one night and said "Come over, no one's home." So I went over to her place to meet her, and no one was there.

...Thank you Shecky Greene.

That punchline was so telegraphed, that I could see it coming for 100 years.

Here's anotha:

A man and his wife are driving cross-country and have to stop at a hotel for the night due to bad weather. In the morning, they go to pay the bill, and the man is shocked that he has to pay $350. When he asks to see the manager, the manager explains: "Sir, this is the finest hotel in the state. We have a world-class gym, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a five-star restaurant, and a golf course with 18 holes."

"But we didn't use any of those while we were here", the man says.

"Well, you could've at any time, sir," the manager says.

Frustrated, the man hands him a check. When the manager looks, he sees that it's only for $100. When he addresses the man about the problem, the man says: "I'm charging you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't," the manager says.

"Well, she was here all night, and I would've let you."

Speaking of golf:

A man rushes into a shop by the golf course and appears to be in a panic. When asked by the manager what the problem, he replies, "My wife just got hit by a golf ball!"

The manager asks, "Where?"

The man replies, "Between the first and second hole!"

The manager thinks for a second and replies, "Tell her that her stance was too wide."

What name do you give a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter... he won't come when you call!

some call in the city I live BBQ central,theres a BBQ shck every block.Literaly

Ever hear the one about the cannibal who passed his best friend in the jungle?

Can't say I have, but the most ultimate definition of trust is two cannibals giving each other oral sex.



Naughty... naughty...

A Mexican, an Arab, and an American are at a bar. The Mexican throws his glass up in the air, shoots it and says: "In my country, we have plenty of glasses. We never have to drink out of the same one twice." The Arab throws his glass in the air, shoots it and says: "In my country, there is plenty of sand to make new glasses. We never have to drink out of the same one twice." The American throws his glass in the air, shoots the Mexican and the Arab and says: "In my country, we have plenty of Mexicans and Arabs. We never have to drink with the same ones twice."

A little boy walks up to his mother and asks "Mommy, is God a boy or girl?" The mother doesn't know what to say, so she tells him "He's both, honey." The next day the little boy walks up to his mom again and asks "Mommy, is God black or is he white?" Again, the mother tells him that God is both. The next day, the boy asks his mom "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
"Mommy, what are you doing on top of Daddy?" the boy asks.
"Well...During the day, Daddy's tummy gets full of air, and I have to pump it out for him." replied the mother.
"Well, I don't know why you do that because when you leave for work some other lady blows him back up." Said the boy.

Your face?

A man was driving home from woek one day, only to get a call from his wife. Ignoring laws against driving on the phone, he answered to hear her distressed voice ask "are you OK, I can see on the news that a maniac is driving the wrong way down the road you're on!" Looking round for any signs of the nutter, he replied calmly "I can't see ONE maniac, it looks like EVERYONE is driving on the wrong side of the road today except me!"

Bad and old, I know... just like yo mumma! Well, she's naughty at least

A man walks into a hairdresser one day. He approaches a blonde who is getting her hair cut and comments on how lovely her hair is. Flattered, she ran her hand through her locks and said, "oh, it's natural." He then approaches a brunette who is getting her hair permed and comments on how beautiful her hair is. Blushing, she ran her fingers through it and replied, "oh, it's natural." He then walks up to a green haired lady and said how nice her hair was. She took her finger out of her nose, ran her fingers through her tresses and sighed, "oh, it's natural."

Lame, but whatever.

One day, after a grueling case, Sherlock Holmes decides it's time for a holiday, so he and Dr. Watson pack and go camping in the mountains. They set up camp and as it gets dark, they retire to their tent.

During the night, Watson is awakened by the detective.

"Watson," he whispers, "you must see this. Take a look at the stars and tell me what you deduce."

Watson studies the night sky, and after a while, he says, "Well, looking at all these stars, I'd say that some of these, when observed closer, may be suns, just like ours. Upon that, if they are suns, chances are they have planets circling round them as well. And if that's true, then maybe, just maybe, there might be intelligent life on some of those planets, like here on Earth."

To which Holmes replies, "Watson, you idiot! Someone stole our tent!"