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Episode: My Week With Wendy PostWed Mar 13, 2013 1:31 pm Offline
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Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:06 pm7
My week with Wendy

Exterior-South Park Square-Night

Justin Beiber is performing at Mile High Stadium in Denver Colorado. All the girl from South Park Elementary are dressed in teeny bopper outfits that read: “Justin take my beaver’s fever” “Let me blow you” “Gomez cant f*ck like this bitch (arrow pointing to her face)” “Justin give my vagina CPR” “Be my first wigger”
Mr. Garrison is cheering with a shirt that reads: “I’ll be your Sandusky”
Wendy is dancing in the front row next to BeBe. All of the sudden, Justin pulls Wendy on stage with him and they sing and dance to one of his stupid songs.


Interior-NEWS station- day

Anchor tom
-she then tickled my balls, licked my ass, and ran away. In other news, the Beibs has pulled another stunt that has the whole world talking. While performing at Mile High Stadium, the Canadian sensation pulled fellow fever fan Wendy Testaburger onto the stage, at which time they danced and sang together. The lucky fan has become an overnight celebrity who is beloved by most and despised by others. Which brings us to our next topic of news, which will be given by a really hot chick with one eye.

Exterior- Field in South Park- day

The one eyed chick is standing in front of a field. Behind her is a giant pile of dead bodies.

One eyed Chick
Thanks tom, I’m here at the devastating scene where 666 girls conducted a carefully orchestrated simultaneous suicide. This act of fandom was to urge Justin Beiber to see and quote, “That Wendy Testaburger is a bad omen. If there is a god, he will blow torch that bitches pussy shut, then let all of us real fans gang bang her with strap on cock knives. Then god will blow torch that bitches pussy shut again and keep her on life support.” The quote came from 6-year old Olivia Burgess, right before her and 665 other fellow fans lit themselves on fire to make this-(The news shows a picture of a flaming Justin Beiber face). This is what being a fan is all about Tom.

Interior-South Park elementary cafeteria-day

All the girls are sitting around Wendy at a lunch table.

Girl 1
That was so amazing! Did you touch his hair Wendy?
Girl 2
Wendy did he smell like old spice or axe?
Girl 3
Did you kiss him Wendy?
Wendy
Girls! Girls! It was a really cool experience but it’s over and done with now.
BeBe
Oh I wouldn’t say that Wendy, you’re all over the news. You’re a sensation. Just like Courtney Cox was when Bruce Springsteen pulled her on stage, and look at the career she had after that.
Wendy
The thought is all nice and good you guys but I don’t know if that’s the life I want.

Ryan Seacrest and a bunch of pop celebrities burst into the cafeteria and throw all the girls gathered around Wendy out of the way.


Ryan
Hi Wendy! I’m Ryan Seacrest and I’ll be your celebrity host for the remainder of your fame. We want you to come with us to our A-list VIP scene to live the life you should.
Wendy
Uh um well, I’ll have to think about this.
Ryan
(Laughs) Oh Wendy, now that you’re a celebrity you have someone that’ll do your thinking for you. You’ll have a publicist, hair stylist, your own Asian woman for your hands and feet, twitter texter, and we also prescribe you with a celeb boyfriend.
Wendy
But I already have a boyfriend.
Ryan
So did all the girls from American idol, but just look at them now. We hold ourselves to a higher standard Wendy. By the way, how did your man feel about you hooking up with the Beibs?
Wendy
I didn’t hook up with Justin, we just sang and danced.
Ryan
And I see you’re on a first name basis with the Beibs. She moves fast, I like it. Well let’s go shall we?
Wendy
But I have to ask my parents first.
Ryan
(Laughs) Young sweet Wendy, your parents are never going to know where the f*ck you are anymore. They’re far too busy with their own celebrity status now. Just look at the Cyrus’.

Miley Cyrus is getting butt f*cked by Steven Tyler, while she smokes from a bong. Billy Ray Cyrus is standing right next to them texting, not paying attention.

Exterior-Montage flying to L.A.-day

Wendy, along with other celebrities fly on a private jet and land in L.A. Tabloids start bombarding Wendy: “Wendy flies to an undisclosed location to visit Justin” “A bored Wendy ditches Beiber” “Zack Efron + Wendy Testaburger= f*ck cake” “Wendy bashes Lindsey’s latest debacle” “Wendy lands #2 on most beautiful people’s list”

Interior-Mansion-night

Wendy pulls up in a limo and is chauffeured by two huge black guys.
The door of the mansion opens up. It’s Ryan Seacrest.


Ryan
Wendy! Welcome to Jay Z’s mansion. Let’s show you around.

Ryan walks Wendy throughout the mansion filled with celebs.

Ryan
So tell me Wendy, what do you think of your new totally awesome fantastic life?
Wendy
Well it’s really quite strange. I have absolutely no privacy, yet I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
Ryan
(Laughs) Sweet, little jail bait Wendy. Lonely is the new fresh. Who likes being comfortable now a days? It’s so much better when people we don’t even know, no matter how wonderful or malicious they may be, can know every aspect of our lives, rumor or fact. It’s really quite magical! I can’t take a sh*t without somebody comparing it to how stinky it is to Brad Pitt’s.
Wendy
That sounds awful. How do you deal with the stress?
Ryan
Stress? (Laughs) Sweet, innocent, soon to be covered in my splooge Wendy. Stress is for poor people. No stress today is just 30 pills away (eats some pills). Ok, here we are. Your first steps to becoming a celebrity.

Wendy and Ryan stand in front of a stand being run by Madonna and Sandra bullock.

Wendy
What’s this?
Ryan
In every mansion, there’s at least two celebrities that operate the adopt a black baby from a different country stand. This one is being operated by Madonna and Sandra bullock. (Points to a different stand) This next stand is a charity that helps only under privileged black people or other countries pre-dominantly populated by black people. These stands are very therapeutic for us celebrities. It helps us feel better about ourselves, knowing that we have the easiest jobs in the world and we get paid more than god, plus it allows me to say the word n*gger whenever I want guilt free. It really opens a lot of doors. You should seriously consider Wendy.
Wendy
But I’m nine.
Ryan
Yes, just think what it would do for your image. And over here we have our cosmetic and sex change rooms.

Lady Gaga and Chaz bono walk out of the sex change room.

Lady Gaga
Thanks for giving me my dick back Chaz. I missed it terribly.
Chaz
No problem at all gaga. It was your dick to take back. Plus Katherine Heigl said she’d give me hers.
Lady Gaga
That’s great! I heard she’s got a huge cock.
Chaz
Oh she does. Thanks again for letting me keep your balls (Touches her cheeks).
Lady Gaga
Oh it would be a crime not to. Just look at how they bring out your eyes.
Chaz
How’re Ashton Kutchers balls treating you?
Lady Gaga
Eh, not so good (touches her flat ass). I should’ve kept Charlie Sheen’s, I don’t know what I was thinking. You just can’t replace Charlie, you just can’t.
Chaz
I know, it’s a bummer. Keep trying to get his back, or your ass is doomed.
Lady Gaga
(Sighs) I know.
Chaz
Hey I know something that’ll make you feel better about yourself. Let’s go adopt you an underprivileged starving black child from a different country!
Lady Gaga
(Cheers) Good idea! What country she we adopt it from?
Chaz
Who cares, its black!
Lady Gaga
Oh goodie! Now I can finally say n*gger in my songs carefree!

They skip away.
Kim Kardasian walks out of the cosmetic room.


Kim
(Looks at her gargantuan ass) Is it as big as J-Lo’s yet?

Ryan and Wendy reach a big red double door.

Ryan
(Sighs) Ok Wendy. We’ve now reached one of the biggest points to being a celebrity. This is where you can gain the power that you need to change the world into the image you desire. Wendy- are you ready?
Wendy
I’m not really sure I’m r-

Ryan opens the big red double door.

Ryan
Wendy- welcome to politics.

This scene is a re-enactment of the movie eyes wide shut. Everyone is dressed in masquerade masks and costumes. A circle of naked ladies are kneeled down on the ground as a person taps them on the shoulders with a cane.
Wendy is then escorted by a woman wearing a Marilyn Monroe mask.


Woman
You’re not safe.
Wendy
Who are you?
Woman
You must leave.
Wendy
Who are you?
Woman
You don’t belong here. We have to get you out now while you still have a chance.

Wendy and the woman are walking through rooms where everyone is f*cking each other.

Wendy
How can I get away? Everyone sees every move I make.
Woman
There are ways, but we must act fast.
Ryan
Wendy! Hi, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I thought I saw you getting gang banged by the Muppets, but it was just Barbara Streisand. No matter, let’s go. We have much to do.

The woman whispers something we cannot hear.

Ryan
oooo a little lesbo action I see. (Takes a picture) Niccccccccceeeeee……
Wendy
(Tries taking off the woman’s mask) Who are you?
Woman
There’s no time Wendy. You must go.

Ryan takes Wendy on a stroll through the orgy rooms.

Ryan
Isn’t this great! Such a great time to be a celebrity. We’re recession proof. We stay good looking forever-well most of us. Some of us only have to do one or two movies or TV show appearances, then we get to say whatever we want about the world and act like we’re making a difference, that’s why they call us actors. The real artists are few and far between. Us, we don’t need to make timeless classics that people and children will cherish for years to come. Why bother, when we can make a quick buck spouting all the same sh*t over and over again. Only in America, the land of opportunity. A place where those who are annoying and obnoxious and drink until they reach a comatose status and commit violent acts while being filmed by a telecast audience are not only tolerated but are rewarded and admired by thousands, no f*ck that! Millions! And most of the admiration comes from young ladies who look to us as role models.
Wendy
Oh my god….
Ryan
Yes.

Ryan and Wendy walk up to a big purple double door.

Ryan
Oh Wendy, this is so exciting. This is the moment of truth. It’s a real hoot and a holler.

Ryan opens the door. It’s the same as the room with the big red door, except there is no circle with naked chicks. This time, all the costumed folk are staring at Wendy.
A masked man (Tom Cruise) sitting in a large chair speaks to Wendy.

Tom
Come forward.

Wendy steps toward him, as she does this, the crowd surrounds her.

Tom
Young lady. Why do you think you’re here?
Wendy
I’m-I’m not sure.
Tom
Your not-sure. Let me ask again. Why-do you think you’re here?
Wendy
Be-because Justin Beiber pulled me on stage and let me sing and dance with him?
Tom
That-is correct! You were chosen. So far, you have done what has been asked of you. You have ruled the tabloids upon false pretenses by unknown resources. I’m to understand you are in the process of owning your own negro-

A person whispers into tom’s ear.

Tom
Apologies. Allow me to rephrase. You are in the process of ADOPTING your own negro?
Wendy
Um, I’m sorry sir but you’ve been misinformed. I’m only 9 years old, I can’t take care of any baby.

A murmur comes over the crowd.

Tom
I see. That would be a discrepancy but since you’re new we can forgive this indecency. Only a few discrepancies come to mind. One of these being, you have not had any cosmetic surgery thus far.

A murmur comes over the crowd.

Tom
But all in all, your progress has been satisfactory. Which now brings us to out next act of business. We request that you sacrifice something.
Wendy
Sacrifice?
Tom
Yes. Sacrifice. For the sake-of scientology.
Wendy
Scientology? Oh but sir. I’m not a believer of scientology.

A loud murmur comes over the crowd.

Tom
In this business, there are only two religions which are eligible for a celebrity. Scientology and Judaism. Are you Jewish Wendy Testaburger?
Wendy
Um, no.
Tom
Then you must give yourself and sacrifice for scientology!!!!

Crowd loudly murmurs.
The woman wearing the Marilyn Monroe mask is standing on the railing of the second floor.


Woman
NO!!!! Take me in her place.
Tom
You?! You wish to sacrifice yourself in sake of this noob?
Woman
I do.
Tom
She’s not even mainstream yet.
Woman
I am aware of that.
Tom
Very well.

Two people take the Marilyn Monroe woman away.

Tom
As for you, you have seen too much. I’m afraid, we can’t just let you go. Take off your clothes.
Wendy
Ex-excuse me?
Tom
Take-off-your clothes.
Wendy
But I-I-I have AIDS!!!

Crowd murmurs loudly.

Tom
Aids? Unfortunate. Quite unfortunate. In that case, we will let you go into seclusion where no one will pay attention to you anymore. We will host a public fundraiser to aids research and give you all the proceeds. The fundraiser will take place on the same day of “Own a starving negro”-

Masked man whispers to Tom.

Tom
Apologies. The fundraiser will take place on the same day of “SAVE a starving negro.” Those proceeds will also go to Wendy. Until the funds have been raised for your Magic Johnson antidote, we’ll be in touch. If funds have not been raised, well then I suppose we won’t be in touch.
Random guest
Why don’t we all just give her some of our own money right now, instead of asking blue collar workers for it?
Tom
f*ck that! That’s my money! That I- give to charity and stuff like that with-right, right. Be gone Wendy Testaburger. (Opens up a communicator) Transporter room, transport one non-celebrity to some piss ant-white-red neck-mountain town.

Wendy is beamed out of the room.

Tom
(Points to a random guest.) You there! Come forward.

Random guest steps forward.

Tom
Take off your clothes.
Random guest
Wh-what?
Tom
Take-off-your clothes.

Random guest removes his clothing.

Tom
(Speaks into communicator) Transporter room, beam in-the Muppets.

Crowd murmurs loudly.

Random guest
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interior-South park elementary cafeteria-day

All the girls are gathered around Wendy.

Bebe
So you said you had aids and they let you go?
Wendy
Yea. But you know, I’ve learned something. No matter how rich and famous you get, and no matter how many children you adopt, if you’re not happy with yourself, your going to be just as miserable as everyone else you think your better than.
Bebe
So what’re you going to do with the money their giving you?
Wendy
I’ve got something in mind.

Exterior-South Park Square-day

Justin Beiber is performing in South Park square for the whole town, with all the girls and Mr. garrison going nuts.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walk by the concert.


Stan
Oh goddamn it, this guy again?
Cartman
Why hasn’t somebody killed that homosexual yet?
Kenny
(Muffles words)
Stan
Yea Kenny’s right. Let’s kick that kid’s ass after the shows over.
Kyle
Yea then let’s fart in his stupid Canadian face.
Cartman
Yea. Then let’s pulled down his pants, and you guys all hold him down and we’ll rape the crap out of him. (Laughs)

All the boys give Cartman a what the f*ck look.

Cartman
What? Too much?
Kyle
Let’s stick some rocks up his ass.
Stan and Kenny
Yeaaaaaa!!!

The boys walk off screen except Cartman.

Cartman
I still think we should rape him you guys.
Re: Episode: My Week With Wendy PostWed May 01, 2013 8:36 am Offline
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Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:11 am4Portsmouth, UK
Awesome, really funny! One thing though... I wouldn't associate Wendy with Beiber as she's generally against pop culture and celebrities (Paris Hilton episode comes to mind), might've worked better with Bebe, or even Butters
Re: Episode: My Week With Wendy PostWed May 01, 2013 9:11 am Offline
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Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:06 pm7
Glad you liked it, thanks for reading it!
I thought about other characters to possibly play the leading character in this episode. Bebe did cross my mind but I don't know how much people like Bebe, especially playing a leading character. Butters could have worked but admittedly I'm not a huge Butters fan lol.
The reason I stuck with Wendy is because she's a popular character that isnt seen very often. It is true that she is usually opposed to pop culture but in this instance I think it works because throughout the episode it's evident that she doesn't want to be there. She's forced to be there more than anything.
Again thanks for reading it and thanks for the input.
Re: Episode: My Week With Wendy PostFri May 24, 2013 1:48 pm Offline
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Fri May 24, 2013 1:08 pm3
This was absolutely fantastic dude! Really seems like a genuine South Park episode.
One thing, I don't think that Kyle would be as up for abusing Justin Bieber. Having watched Toilet Paper he seems to be more of a sensible character not into violence as such, would have been better for maybe Butters to be there suggesting ideas? Just a thought.
Apart from that it was fantastic!
Welcome to Raisins!
Re: Episode: My Week With Wendy PostWed May 29, 2013 1:21 pm Offline
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Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:06 pm7
Thanks alot for reading it! If you get a chance to read the Film Noire episode I wrote, please give me your input I love to hear what people have to say about it.
Regarding your input for this episode, it is true that Kyle is usually opposed to violence and likes to go in the other direction than Cartman but since the episode was coming to a close I didn't want to prolong an argument between the two characters. I like it when all the boys are all on board with each once in a while, like they were in the old episodes at times.
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