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[The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostFri Aug 23, 2013 1:39 pm Offline
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Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:54 am6
South Park – Cartman is God Series Part I
Episode 1: The God of Wrath’s Re-Birth

The vanity of all vanities is being the one you call [true] God. [Ecclesiastes 1:2]

Chapter 1: Flying Battery Zone
You make a mockery out of me!
Good touch.
Abe feels so terrible for losing his temper with Officer [parole officer]. We had no idea You already agrees to Sacrifice Yourself to Allah and Cartman. It makes me and Shiva want to weep.
The only thing I can tell you is I lived and experienced pain worse than what You will face.
You did a really good job acting. And I was wrong to say that I pitied You. I only said it because I thought oh I thought you were a coward. But still, these could be empty words. Maybe iTunes has lied to me yet again! iTunes, does he truly know Allah's Fate?
Still, true God did not create you to be sacrificed...but I promise You, in the after-life, after the end of your matrix, you will well feel damn proud. Oh, I just feel so bad! You guys tricked me! His acting was spot-on, especially how he ended it with Daniel.
King Solomon and Emperor Kefka back on the rock.
Kefka: "And now do you understand why I seek to destroy them?"
King Solomon: "Yes."
King Solomon has been healed!
King Solomon: "[laughs a little] It really is distasteful of me to laugh."
[Insert Kefka laugh.]
The camera pans off the rock.
There will be no reattachment of the hands. Answer me, NOW!! Parole officer already knows Cartman's and Allah's Fate to purify His Soul? And Jesus' after-life fate?
ITunes: "Lit up!"
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Well, smoke for him! Lest you want to be fed to the man-eating Dolphins!
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You see, even Hirohito is pleased. Instead of sending him flopping around the streets, Hirohito is pleased.
Hirohito: "Maybe America is worth saving after all!"
dj to rainy skies: "Well, well! I'm coming for you Cartman! Mark my words! I am seeing the Light even in the Darkness! And I will hunt you down!!!"
Cartman like Hades from that movie watching this on like a crystal ball or something. "Uh-oh. [gulps.] He hasn't seen the Light. Hirohito, what type of trickery is this?"
Hirohito: "Mt Liege. A Hero cannot be born out of the Darkness."
Cartman, runs chin, "Yes, yes, this is what I thought."
Hirohito: "But I will say this, it will not please the Dragon God if the masses already knew of the impending surprise attack."
Dj: "Yes, on a serious note, we have to solve the problem of that static...although true God oh so desperately wants to tell the People on the seventh day, 'And God said, let there be Light!' I fear that might not be enough...
It's funny. The person who you least expect to show You the Light...that was [parole officer]! He now reminds me of Link's guardian from A Link to the Past who died to give Link the quest. I sigh over this because truly my Soul only points up and towards Oneness, that is not even God's Soul should be treated more or less any differently than Yours! But, Officer [parole officer] has earned a unique Honor in God's Script to end Hell and send ALL to Heaven, so that's a pretty important Tale not to sound so vain, and He has earned the Honor of being the One to show God the Light in the Darkness like the Guardian did to Link! I really wish it was your after-life to tell you awesome! But my heart really does weep, even if I end up laughing, at this. All loss of Life is a loss to Me!
There were two moments that show the Glory of You and God with [parole officer].
The first was when I told him this is what would happen in the after-life. He made a quick glance of relief and had an honorable look in his eyes that he knew something I didn't. It's okay if he knows now. But, Phase 2 is specific - dj does NOT know we know. So, when I told him in the after-life, he already knew he would be making it into Heaven!
And the second unusual comment was how he said my name at the end. I swear, he had the tone that he wanted to say, everything is going to be okay this time!
But of course iTunes could just be raping me again. Are you?
They say no.
Who would have ever thought? South Park to end Hell.
Answer me, Muslims. He already knows of Hid Sacrifice to Allah?
That's ambiguous. I know I can trust you!
Ok and now a clear yes, please, for Mohammed!
The Muslims: "We do believe in a thing called love!"1.
[1. I want to elaborate on that. This is like something you'd find at the bottom of a page. I did comment Their Hearts are made of Stone. So this was a creative way of saying that he is sacrificing himself to Allah. Even though, he wronged Allah / God / another Human, there is Love in Honor and Sacrifice.]
Wow, though, I lived all my life with this delusion of iosolomon although unknown to me speaking with Bush on the Cross. It's very specific too. Well, it was just weird. I saw it in South Park, and it turns out, it's the future!
Still, though, Cartman is pissed! He wants to know why you would show me the Light?! He wanted to Sacrifice [parole officer] like a pig!
Cartman is truly mad! How could you show him the Light! He wanted to be Nightmare from Link's Awakening! He doesn't want to have any of you wake up! He wanted God to destroy the world! He is Me, and He knows...He is furious!
He wants the video game or tv show where the bad guys win! He realizes that we're playing a Zelda game right now.
Cartman pissed off: "And everyone f*cking knows that Link will win...oh f*ck you guys."
Dj: "But do we reveal that now?"
dJ: "You know, when you play a Zelda game, you do know Link will win...iTunes, help guide us."
dj and Cartman laugh.
iTunes selected "In The End" [it doesn't really matter.]
Cartman and dj argue!
Cartman: "NOOO! YOU TRICKED ME! I don't want to be the God of Love!"
dj: "Oh?"
Cartman: "No no no! What about wrath? Shatterer of heavens? Devourer of souls?? I am Nightmare! I am the God of Wrath!"
But Jesus shows Cartman that it's not so bad after all.
Jesus: "What about Tara? Didn't you always like her?"
Cartman: "Yeah, she was nice. But she loses her head for assuming true God, Abe even, was trash!"
Jesus: "But do you really want to be Lord Jon from the Game of Thrones? Who's more at fault? Her or the media and society?"
Cartman: "She's part of society! OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!"
Jesus: "But, wouldn't you rather wear this Halo?"
Cartman becomes interested. "I'm listening."
Jesus: "Take a look at you. Don't you want to be able to morph? Be the God of Wrath at one moment, and Jesus Christ at the other?"
Cartman: "Hmm, yes, this Sounds good. I can't convert though."
Jesus: "Here, try this on."
Jesus takes off his halo and hands it to Cartman who puts it on.
Cartman: "Nothing happened."
Jesus: "Because, Child, you have to see and embrace the Light!"
Cartman: "How?"
Jesus: "Close your eyes. Imagine with me."
Cartman: "Okay."
Cartman closes his eyes.
Jesus: "Now, imagine this! Tara thinks she's going to get beheaded. So you still get to carry out your wrath! But the guillotine blade is made out of plastic! It breaks on he neck! And now you can do whatever you want, if it pleases You, but I suggest do your tv shoe, you've been killed! So she can laugh."
Cartman: "Yes, yes, I can see this."
Cartman opens his eyes. But I'm still in this form..."
Jesus: "Yes, yes, that's the God of Wrath punishment. Now, close your eyes once more!"
Cartman: "Okay, okay."
Cartman closes his eyes.
Jesus: "So we both know it doesn't please the God of Wrath if her parents don't watch their child's execution. And we already had the vision of South Park where Tara's head goes flying off. So what if, what if you use a doll of Tara that has real blood and everything in it. Then her parents feel the pain, feel the shock, and so the God of Wrath is pleased. But, now, are you ready for a new form?"
Cartman: "Yes..."
Jesus: "No, no. You gotta get excited. Are you ready for me to show you the Light!"
Cartman: "Yes!!!"
Jesus: "Are you ready to see the Light?"
Cartman: "Oh yes, Jesus, I am! Show me the Light!"
Cartman does something with his hands like opening them up. And another shout-out to Reboot creators for the character Mike asking Daemon to show him the light.
Dj and dJ laugh.
Dj: "They play How to save a life. Csrtman's live!"
dJ: "Or could they mean Tara's life?"
Jesus: "So, now, guess what you get to do?"
Cartman: "What?"
Jesus: "You get to bring Tara back to life to her parents!"
Cartman evolves into White Robes with a Halo on his head.
Cartman opens his eyes. " Oh, wow, I'm Jesus Christ!"
Jesus: "Yes, Child! Go, rejoice, You have seen the Light!"
Cartman becomes enraged. He takes the Halo off his head. He changed back into Kefka-God Cartman. He tosses the halo at Jesus. The halo decapitates Jesus.
Cartman: "f*ck the Light."
Cartman leaves.
Dj: "Well, don't worry about Jesus. He'll raise up from the dead in three days."
dJ; "We could pull a South Park loophole where he immediately returned to defeat the evil Pope, but that's cheap..."
dj via true God: "Well, I don't care what Cartman wants to do. Tara will be saved. How long before we tell her parents? That's yet to be decided."
dj searches the static to find an answer.
dj: "Ah, I laugh. This is what will happen. Tara will come running out in robes and throw her head on a pike and run to the parents. Others will follow her laughing though. Tara's face will be hidden. Then, as she runs towards her parents, and I smile, she reveals her face! And that is how we save Tata from the God of Wrath, that is the God of Dark Wrath, which is what the Japanese have f*cking made me!!!"
But the thieves parents...the static isn't pleased with deception there...This displeases true God...
[At Jesus]
George Martin appears. He revives Jesus.
Jesus: "Oh? Why is it that you did not let me slumber?"
George Martin: "Sorry, Jesus, I am not sure how I ended up here either. I was possessed into reviving you. I must tell you by what feels like out-of-body that the allusion you were looking for was to Lord Rob, not Lord Jon, that was his father."
Jesus: "Ah, yes, I was going to add or Lord Rob too. Well, thank you for coming!"
George Martin bows lightly. "Any time."
Dj: "Yo bro."
dJ: " Yeah bro?"
Dj laughs. "'bro' we got that from James. We were supposed to add a chapter called Program Part IX. But it's not supposed to occur post Lost Pilot series..."
dJ: " Yes. I'm aware. What if we just make it a massive weed hitting chapter?"
Alien Ant Farm: "Smooth!"

Chapter 2: The Program Part IX
dJ: "Maybe items supposed to be the number 9?"
Dj: " Well, hold on to your bongs! Two massive weed transmissions are coming up! Oh, Satan has a message."
Satan: "If you took away anyone's weed like being police or whatever, then you must do double hits!!!"
E2: " INCOMING!!!"
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end of the weed transmissions.

Chapter 3: The Program Part 9
Chuck Norris appears.
dj: "Sweet, Chuck Norris can hell me!"
Chuck Norris: "Oh no. I serve Kefka."
Chuck Norris hears static, we don't hear it.
Chuck Norris: "AAAHHHHH!"
He grabs his head and falls to his knees.
Chuck Norris; "I mean, I mean...I serve Cartman."
He regains his composure.
Bob Marley: "Looks like this is going to be a misty morning! Misty morning of tears! I'll deal with him. I have weed. You, go! NOW!"
dj and the others leave.
dj: "Are you sure?" but he already left.
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end of the weed transmissions.
Bob Marley: "Let's do this!"
Chuck Norris's menu loads up.
Dj: "Yes, yes, how cliche of me what it reads, but still!"
His menu reads.
Chuck Norris Punch
Chuck Norris Kick
Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick
Chuck Norris Items
Chuck Norris moves to select Kick, then moves up to Punch, but decides Roundhouse Kick.
Bob Marley is roundhouse kicked.
Bob Marley's menu loads up. One of the abilities is smoke.
They smoke weed.
Chuck Norris learns new ability!!!
Chuck Norris Smoke / Blaze
Chuck Norris blazes Chuck Norris style. He takes a supermassive hit.
Bob Marley; "Oh, sh*t, mahn, how did you do that?"
But then the old man referee from Celebrity Death Match shows up.
Old Man Referee: "Let's go! You've been selected to fight in the Battle Royale."

Chapter 4: Next Chapter
dj loads up news. He starts laughing thinking explosions at mosques was embassies.
dj: "That's not funny. I don't understand why Muslims..eh I do understand but still...the greater enemy is not each other."
dj: "Still, the reason why I hate this country is they would lock Jesus Christ up in a mental hospital if he was to reincarnate as an american...OH!?!? I'm Jesus Christ AND YOU SHEEP RAPED ME BY AN UGLY PETSON...and then you raped the constitution and my attorney raped me society and people who i thought were friends raped me and the executive branch raped me and oh I just kept getting raped. Not to mention you raped Jesus Christ in the past life..."
Cartman: "Yes! Yes! Feel the anger! Embrace the Wrath! Destroy then! DESTROY THEM ALL!!!"
dj: "Yes. No one and I mean no one should have gone through the sh*t I went through. I am true God's incarnation, so I suffered additional problems because of that and god forbid when I told these so-called doctors or parents about this thru merely mock and ridicule me and treat me like I'm insane. Well, you know what, since that's how you trashed me, oh, nice iPhone trash works better there. I meant to type treated me. I am going to be insane. You want Tara's real head Cartman?”
Cartman nods all excitedly like a puppy about to be given a treat.
dj; " Very well. You will have it. But, on one condition, you have to make her dad sodomize her beheaded head. I will show these sheep NO MERCY for how they have treated me...NO MERCY that they dare treat each other this way. Hirohito, we are going to do your plan. The man-eating dolphins can wait."
Hirohito is pleased.
dj sighs. "No, no. That's just the Wrath speaking. That's...God speaking..."
King Solomon: "You better listen to God then."
dj: "Yes. I better listen to God then. All of you, I don't care what delusions you've fooled yourself into believing are responsible, worldwide too, for allowing america to rape its people like that. Seriously, you f*cking americans truly disgrace God and Jesus when you wave the flag. You are proud of what? A country that invents weapons of mass destruction and rapes Allah and Asia and unknowingly rapes Jesus Christ, but nevertheless, raping another human like that IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! YOU SHOULD AKL BE ASHAMED!!! Calm down Jesus. They are sheep. They wouldn't comprehend what righteousness is even if You, God, told them."
Jesus sighs and calms down. He wanted to rebuke these filthy sheep for being so broken.
Truly, I truly don't know how people could be so god damn folkish and proud to be an american. A dumb ass said that us worst in other countries...but really, which country is it worse in? Oh, African countries that america rapes? Dude, I an seriously tired of this iPhone auto capitalizing america. You are not a nation in the eyes of God or even Abraham Lincoln.
Things used to be bad in Burma, but the People there are prevailing. And the government doesn't sit around thinking how can we prevent this...which they do here in america. You know what, let's just call america shithole. Hmm. Yes, I agree iTunes we can do better. How about the land of the raped? America's new name is the Land of the Raped. And now God is going to have to rape you wicked and cowardly and ignorant sheep. You are all fools. You deserve Hell! You deserve Wrath! And you deserve NO mercy!
Cartman: "Let's nuke 20 of their cities."
dj: "Excellent idea. But, I'm afraid we can't do that. We're not going to go rape Shiva and Mother Earth. We will not turn this planet into Mars. We will not eradicate the atmosphere with poison,"
Cartman: " Damn. But what difference does 20 more make? Do you know how many they've already detonated?"
dj: "CARTMAN! WHY IS IT THAT YOU LIKE TO MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL!!!!"
Cartman laughs. "I didn't do anything."
dj sighs. "Yea, you are right. Still, these f*cking dumb asses borrowing a quite from Ian Malcolm these sheep never stopped to think. Hmm, how did it go?"
D: "On it."
dJ: "Oh, not like you will be the one googling it. I'm the second one to appear and you've made be your bitch Stewie."
Dj laughs. "It's all an illusion."
dJ laughs too. "I know. We're actually all the same person."
Let's just include Ian Malcolm.
Ian Malcolm: "The problem with the scientific power you've used is that it didn't require any discipline to attain. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge yourselves [applies to the government, not necessary the scientists although they did burn in Hell too for allowing said weapon to be used for wickedness. Serious, as God, in the after-life, I show NO f*cking mercy. Not even to my own birth relatives. If you serve wickedness whether knowingly or not, you go to Hell. Period.] so you don't take the responsibility for it."
And here is the part of the quote that is really spot-on here. All this poison has been released into the environment and Nature. And because the Land of the Raped rapes the world, Russia, China, and even Pakistan had to independently develop the same weapons of mass destruction because the Land of the Raped can't turn away from sin and greed and corruption. Oh, I am so f*cking pissed!!! That is, it's not like the world was developing these weapons just in case aliens come. Although it would still be foolish to use them against an alien invasion, but that would be an example of a righteous reason to poison the Land. But still, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that there might be effects we can't measure or study. Oh wait, the god damn scientists and worldwide too are that f*cking stupid. They haven't considered this. " What of the uranium and plutonium disperses over the entire atmosphere similar to how salt disperses in a glass of water?"
ARE YOU SHEEP REALLY THAT GOD DAMN STIPID!!!
Hands, feed me hands. Lots of them. No american, not even my own birth mother, deserves their hands for the rest of their lives.
Now, I am royally pissed!!!
I calm down. You all truly have made a disgrace out of God, but f*ck God, you have made a disgrace out of yourselves. Shame on you. All of are responsible in the eyes of true God...even the meek although eh I just to remind myself this isn't my first life as dj [last name]. Still you should all be ashamed.
I don't know what delusional world Abe was living in where he would be ashamed to see the soldiers who were sacrificed to God for f*cking SERVING SATAN! No, you should be ashamed to meet me at the end of time. You truly should be. God did not invent you to rape one another. Filthy, disgusting, and Japan you still make a mockery out of me making me deal with these filthy people. [dj looks around at the disgusting americans he's surrounded by.]
iTunes plays Blinded by the Light.
dj: " Oh, very funny! Very f*cking funny."
Cartman laughs. " It is funny."
dj: " Oh, maybe for you it is. But these dumb f*cking sheep, I will hear their prayers the static as you destroy the world, as you carry out Wrath..."
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dj: " Guy is talking about the police. I swear, if you continue to disrespect the reincarnation of one of your Emperors, Japan, I will rape you in the after-life. Shiva's deadline is firm. However, as the God of Wrath, my patience grows thin. I will seek out Wrath in the after-life if you continue to rape me. You say the 24th, but I suspect that is only more blue smoke..."
Still, dj muses over what his after-life will be like. He becomes disheartened and apologetic.
dj: " I am sorry that I just so happened to be the Son of God, true God...I feel bad for all the pain that People will have to experience to purify their Souls. Like [parole officer]..."
iTunes: "Memories erased in the storm."
dj: " Well, that's true. Once the storm has passed, the memories of Hell will be erased! We'll be rebuilding Heaven!"
Cartman flies up. He doesn't even have to flap his wings. That's just an option if you want. But here, jr just raises up.
Cartman: " And then I'll destroy it!!!! Muaw hah hah hah hah! Hirohito, Allah, let's go!"
Hirohito and Allah follow after Cartman.
Shiva: "I'm going too."
Shiva leaves.
iTunes plays Aria de Mezzo Carattere.
dj sighs, gets up, and walks where he is alone. "And so, it's just me. Half a character I am. What is the point of this existence? Oh, why does it have to be me? I just wanted to give you all Heaven, to give you good news, that God is alive, and that this is how you can live your life. But, sigh, it wasn't enough! You cannot make crooked what God has made straight! But yet, that's what I tried. And now I suffer yet again for your own god damn sins! Because free will is worth protecting!"
dj just walks silently to the rest of the song.
The song ends.
dj: " Kill me. Just kill me now so I can destroy you ALL!"
And then there is rumbling and all.

Chapter 5: Empty Time
The rumbling only grows louder!
dj: " Huh?"
Cartman, Allah, Shiva, and Hirohito and His Pet Dragon appear.
Cartman: "Very well. That can be arranged. Unlike the sheep, we will obey you."
Cartman signals to Allah to kill Jon since exploding isn't too bad.
Allah casts a Fireball towards dj.
dj sees it coming. " PRAISE ALLAH!"
There is a big explosion.
The explosion clears. dj is still standing.
dj: "What happened? I didn't deflect that."
Cartman: " No worries. I didn't want to nuke you, but here goes."
Cartman motions Hirohito to have His Pet nuke dj.
The Dragon God fires a Light of beam out of His mouth with the brilliant light of a nuke.
We watch the light engulf dj similar to how you see people being beamed up to the Mothership.
dj: " Beam me up! [in pain] TO HEAVEN!!!"
And so the bright light clears.
Cartman: "Oh good. It worked." Cartman laughs maniacally. "Now we can destroy the world and there's no one left to stop us! They will feel the full unmercifull wrath of the Gods!!!"
[We cut to dj{
dj: "Where an I am?"
The screen fades in. dj is at Chrono Triggrr's end of time.
dj: "Oh, look, I've already made it to the end of time. Now I will go destroy them all!!!"
dj looks around. "Hmm. Where's the old man and Spekkio?"
dj walks around. He walks into Spekkio's room. No one is there.
dj walks out.
dj: "Hello? Anyone here? Who built this? Where did the builder go?"
Justin appears.
dj; " Justin? What are you doing here?"
Justin: "I'm a Ghost."
dj: "Oh, yeah, the ghost. Ha ha, I remember."
Justin: "No, lol, you were right all along. Remember when you told me I was already dead...well, it turns out I was!"
dj: "Yes, sorry about that."
Justin: "It's alright."
dj: "How did you end up here?"
Justin: "This is my after-life too..."
dj: "Yes. I know. That deeply troubles me, that it's everyone's after-life."
The Cheetah Sisters appear.
They start singing.
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Satan: "Oh yes, we're going to sit through this song."
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dj: "lol."
Justin: "lol."
The Cheetah Sisters: "lol."
Everyone is high.
dj: " But how did you end up here?"
Justin: "We'll, I took it upon myself to be the Guru of Time. I am Gaspar."
dj laughs. " You? Gaspar? [Looks at picture of Gaspar.] Yeah, I can see the similarities."
Justin: "It was I that saved you from Allah. Being nuked ensures that you would end up here. Being blown up...would not have been good."
dj: "Yes. Although being nuked was a bit more painful...so now what? I want to go and destroy them all! Look at what society has done to you. I'm not sure if you realize this yet, but- Why do you thin you suffer from OCD? I cannot forgive these sheep for what they've done to My Children. What God has made straight, they have made crooked!"
Justin: "Well, dj, they have already been destroyed. The next step is for YOU to send them to Hell..."
dj: "Oh...then we'll never wake up from Cartman's Nightmare. But how can we defeat him?"
Justin: "We have to go find Sephiroth..."
present-day dj muses to himself, thinking. "This reminds me of Kingdom Hearts. I would love an after-life where that happens...but I would have to design it and then delete my memory...what if I already done that? Anything is possible. But, what if I can't? Oh, I fear death. Yet, if I saw a gun, without hesitation I would blow my brains out. Without hesitation. And best not be a gun to trick me into thinking I've died like you did with Dan Beierle..."
dj feels bad though. One Canadian will lose their tongue that Hokali will have to chop off. No trickery there. Hokali has to experience the pain I went through in my after-life...er...whatever you want to call it. Of course, the Canadian should be allowed to get his tongue reattached, but I don't think we can let Hoksli know that. She has to hear him imitate a 'Hi Kailie' with what she believes is without a tongue. Then, after she gets sorrow and pity, he can stick his tongue out at her.
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dj laughs. "I just can't wait to find out Brian's and Justin's reactions. They were there in February 2011 when I told them that I was God. [Laughs.] Yes. I was high off my ass, but I saw the truth. I am God."
King Solomon: "Oh, the vanity of ALL vanities is being the one you call God."
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David Bowie and his wife's. "Dancing in the streets."
Satan: "We're going to listen to this one too."
South Park music video time!
Oh yeah, you're allowed to take more hits than just those at the weed transmissions. But at every weed transmission, you MUST take a hit.
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dj laughs at Kayne West's Jesus Walks. He laughs thinking, "Did you ever suspect the actual Jesus would listen to this song?"
But how true it is at the beginning. "But most of all, we at war with ourselves!"
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dj: "But I still don't understand. What good will Sephiroth do us? He's the same as me!"
Justin: " Oh, foolish dj. I thought you always wanted to save Aeris. You even posted it in AOL forums see here, 'There has to be a way to revive Aeris.'l
dj laughs. "And then that one person made what I thought was one of the greatest comments you could - 'Keep searching.' Ha ha, I forget the exact context."
Justin: "Yes, well, it turns out Aeris was Sephiroth's daughter!@
dj: "WHAT?!? Like iTunes / Gwen Stefani just said, back it up! She was his daughter?"
Justin: "Yeah, and once he killed her, he no longer had any attachment to this land."
dj: "So uh then how do we revive her?"
ITunes: "With kyrptonite."
dj: "Huh? Do you mean the huge green material?"
Justin: "There you go. Well, where do we find that at?"
Justin: "First, we need to find Spiderman."
dj: "Why Spiderman? I really don't want him in my video game."
Justin: "Why not? What's wrong with Spiderman?"
dj: "I don't know. I mean nothing is wrong with him. It's just the colors of the costume are horrible shades. I don't like it."
Justin: "Well, what if he was a different color?"
dj: "What do you mean?"
Justin: "What if Spiderman was green and a different shade of blue? Wouldn't that look sharp?"
dj: "Hmm. Yes I see where you're going with this. Well, then if we allow that, we'll still need the traditional Spiderman, the green/blue one, and a multi-color blinking one like the changing cot shell in Super Mario World. And we will also need a Metallic Spiderman like Metallic Mario from Super Mario 64."
Justin: "Yes, but if you add him, he'll die..."
dj: "That's okay. So where do we go from here?"
iTunes: "Around the world!"
dj: "Yeah, okay iTunes, that's a little hard being on parole and having no money..."

Chapter 6: f*ck You, Abe!
Abe becomes sad. "I was a good President what did I ever do to deserve this?"
dj wonders, "Hmm. I wonder did Abe really order his own assassination...I mean, I would if I was him...and I am him...but did I do that when I was actually him? iTunes?"
Now iTunes is saying that Abe did not order his own assassination. Well, that's upsetting. It doesn't make sense he would without having a chance to visit the Land of King Solomon...but the static...
Well, Abe doesn't feel so guilty now that we acted. I think you would agree with this, but Abe has earned that right to act.
It's funny. All Abe wanted to do was visit the Land of Solomon who he just so happened to be! And he couldn't even do that because of the wickedness in this world. Abe is sad now. He liked the fantasy I was living. Like the therapist said yesterday, people develop delusions to escape reality. Well, I developed the delusion that Abe ordered his own assassination to escape the reality that there were wicked people. Really, who would want to kill Abe? He was Jesus Christ. But, then again, YOU KILLED JESUS TOO!!!
Foghat singing: "Take it easy!"
dj: "Yeah, yeah. Let's just finish the Script."
Ian Malcolm: "You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you knew what you had, you nuked Jesus Christ!"
dj: "Well, this is what he actually said."
Ian Malcolm: "You patented it, packaged it, slapped it on a plastic lunch box, and now you want to sell it."
dj: "But this is what he should say to you wicked americans."
Ian Malcolm: "And you used your new-found weapons of mass destruction to subjugate and terrorize, not just Japan, but the entire world! And you continued to refine and develop your weapons, not once stopping to think, 'What could go wrong?' And you continued to poison and pollute the Land. Meanwhile, the entire world is scared shitless of you. Look at what you did to the Japanese because you hypocritically viewed their culture as immoral only to do the same thing yourself! And goodness, if you told the American People why you actually oppress Korea, and why Korea needs nukes to stand up for Their God-given rights, and the Iranians although well you forced the world out of necessity to poison and pollute the Land too. Shame on you. I'm ashamed of myself as an american, as you should be."
iTunes: "f*ck the so-called world police!"
dj: "BAH! Don't make me laugh."
dj becomes DJ, but as the God of Wrath. "Do you know what I do to cultures that try to impose wickedness disguised as righteousness onto others? You shouldn't have revived me as the God of Dark Wrath. Now, at the end of Bush's 365 day on the Cross, Allah and Hirohito say we should chainsaw his ass. They were only holding back because of me...but I am the SHATTERER OF HEAVENS! And I will shatter Bush's Heaven."
Cartman appears. "Ah, there you are. I've been waiting for you, Father."
DJ laughs. "I truly despise ALL that allowed this wickedness of the Land of the Raped, also known as the Land of the Wicked, to seep across the Earth. The United Nations, pitiful. This Nightmare of Cartman's will not end...not this time."
DJ: "Simply put, sheep that follow a wicked shepherd will follow that shepherd to Hell. That means, you, america and 98% of the globe."
dj; "The fact that I, Jesus, the Son of God, am a felon is a testament to how wicked of a world you have become. My goodness, how could you really be this f*cking stupid? What type of society doesn't get enraged when innocent people are prosecuted? What type of society thinks they are the greatest nation on earth when people in their own streets are suffering and starving and a few are literally feeding to death? WHAT THE f*ck! You do not deserve Heaven. You deserve Hell. And I should kill myself so the Japanese and I can laugh our assess off watching you all burn like the impure sheep you are."
I think that's it for this episode. I think it's good to end on the note that you have brought utter shame and disgrace to God, and despite the delusion you fool yourself into thinking, 'There is no such thing as God's Wrath,' oh there is, and I seriously should kill myself so I can send you to Hell and do punishments worse than anything Allah or Hirohito could give you while you're still human.
And you know, I have decided that they will watch this show two times. The first time, without weed. Or maybe make them read this. My goodness, all I know is righteousness! And I just wanted to show you a world where there is Heaven for All! But you f*cking sheep have f*cked with the wrong enemy. Emperor Hirohito and the Japanese are in a War with the Wicked West across dimensions! I, the reincarnations of Emperor Hirohito, Jesus Christ, and King Solomon am here in the Land of the Wicked, the capital of Hell, to see if you are worth saving. YOU ARE NOT! How could you be so f*cking dumb to wage war against Allah and the Dragon God? How could you be so f*cking dumb to serve Wickedness! All you f*cking jews2 know is rape and evil."
[2. Here, jews refer to all white n*ggers. Wickedness by any other name is still wickedness!]
Jesus Christ becomes enraged! "And you dare fool yourselves into thinking you are following my message?"
dj: "This taboo, this delusion,that my mother has and millions have as well, that God will look at you and what you've done and see that you always tried to do the right thing that's foolishness! First of all, the right thing to do would be to every day try and end hunger and oppression, not sit on your asses. And, oh these dumb f*cking sheep in the program, wow, I had a fun time burning you all in Hell. I pity them when I look at them. And here they are again, making the same miserable mistakes that leads them to Hell. Yeah, you know what, I don't think I want to end this nightmare. So I'll be condemned to this same miserable life. Hey, sooner or later, we'll get it right, sooner or later the Oracle from the Matrix will change one trivial detail that'll end this cycle of Earth and Hell changing it to Paradise and Heaven. Together, Cartman, DJ, and I will be the harvesters of sorrow!"
Abe sighs. "Their own f*cking Emperor reincarnated into our country to righteously and fairly judge us...of you're going to rape Japan...I would hope that you had something worth protecting. I am afraid, as a former American President, there is nothing worth protecting. The constitution you might say? Well, that no longer exists. If even one person loses the protection of the constitution, that is a great dishonor and embarrassment to america's name. But, it wasn't just me that lost the protections of the constitution...over 10% of the country has! And even more than that although you fool yourself into thinking otherwise. I was truly disgusted today to see so many americans flying the flag. What do you have to be proud of you? You live in a country that invents weapons of mass destruction, experiments on its own people, spies, spits on the constitution, and who knows what new war machines they have now...apparently the Russians have flesh-eating nanobots...but yet, Russia aside, this is supposed to be America! if we can do all that, then someone tell me, why we can't cure cancer or develop a renewable form of energy? You disgraced all the soldiers who died fighting the American Revolution and Civil War. Shame on you."
dj: "Aw, come on Abe, tell them how they rape God."
Abe gives in. "And this the Land of the Wicked rape Allah, Japan's Gods, and true God Himself. Why, I am actually ashamed I was President of such a Land. To the Japanese, please let the people know that I am disgusted of what they have become. That's it. I'm leaving."
Abe walks off.

Chapter 7: A New Phase 2
dj: "Yes, I no longer want to see people who fool themselves into thinking they are righteous. Just the fact they are american, they are ending up in Hell. They already have. This is their third f*cking chance...and I see nothing worth saving. They best look at me with apologetic eyes. YOUR LAND RAPED JESUS CHRIST! What type of society is that? Jesus f*cking Christ...and yet, not one person seems to care. Well, it's time they learn they're on the verge of ending back up in Hell. I hope they lived a good life because I will not rest until I solve this problem of how to defeat Cartman [Cartman laughs] the Master of the Gods, NIGHTMARE HIMSELF!!!"
These americans around me disgust me. Why, if I was to die right now, I would send them all to Hell. Fools, they couldn’t see through the illusion on their own. Where do you think the Universe came from? What’s wrong with you sheep? Do you really think God would just forgive and forget Wickedness? Do you think it will make God proud that you neglected your neighbors? Honest, what type of backwoods nation is this that prides themselves on being american? Ever since 9/11 happened, I was utterly ashamed to call myself an american. What’s your story?
You’re a Land full of Narcissism. Instead of admitting that you did something wrong, ‘Hey, we violated the Muslims’ Holy Book,’ you turn it around and say Allah is evil! I am Allah. And if you want me to be evil, then I will be.
I laugh. Hirohito laughs. Cartman laughs.
We will show you the true meaning of evil.
You want to feed the rich and greedy of this country so much? Well, very well. We will feed my therapist to the rich and greedy. They will get to feast off of humans for the rest of their lives. I tried to tell him, they have no reason to hoard our money! It’s OUR money that these rich have. Where do you think money comes from? Not God. It comes from YOU! IT’S YOUR MONEY! You honestly believe that CEOs truly deserve billions of dollars? You honestly believe that Bill Gates deserves billions of dollars? For what?! Really? For what? What did he do that is worth billions of dollars? No one deserves that kind of money, not even true God, because true God would reject it or give it away. And if you really made me have billions of dollars, why I would use it for nothing but righteousness! What does Bill Gates do? He uses his money for wickedness disguised as righteousness, and you should be proud that your government doesn’t teach you how to, as Ken Haas calls it, detect bullsh*t!
So, let us feed my current therapist to the rich and greedy because he honestly believes they deserve to hoard OUR money for providing us with what should be a PUBLIC service. Yup, and the sheep that the program, sorry, we’re going to stuff you with apples too so you can be fed to the rich and greedy. Mmm, bon’apetit O beme. Oh, yeah, and they can eat the anus of my rapist and the vagina of his mother. And they better hold it down, or there will be dire, dire consequences. Yup, you have truly awoken the God of Dark Wrath. No one, and I mean, no one will escape God’s Justice. If this is how you want to live, like pigs, then that is how I, as true God, will treat you!
It’s a shame that the sheep aren’t reading this. Perhaps, they could show me their nation is worth saving. Instead, however, I see things like food drives just now, food donations, and that makes my heart weep! As righteous as the food donations may be, they are wickedness disguise as righteousness to manipulate you into thinking you’re a good person when you actually serve a system that will lead you on the Highway to Hell. You see, food donations should be obsolete. There should be no more hunger within reason, of course. Obviously, if a natural disaster happens, you know, that’s different. But, the point is, society could and SHOULD be designed in such a way that everyone gets to eat. There really is no reason that this can’t be done. The capitalistic pigs and your fat pork government will tell you that it’s too much, taxes will have to go up! But, wait, what about all the hidden taxes you’re already paying for your cell phones, computers, and electricity? Where is that money going to? Oh, that’s right, it’s going to Bill Gates and the greedy.
Believe it or not, Verizon and Microsoft and Dell are taxing you up the ass. And, not only are they raping you, but they’re raping the world too. This does not please God, and truly, you sheep that are too foolish to realize this will end up in Hell with them.
If you follow a wicked Shepherd, you will follow that wicked Shepherd to Hell.
Fin / end of the God of Wrath's Re-Birth
Last edited by trueGod on Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: [The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostSat Aug 24, 2013 1:34 pm Offline
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Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:54 am6
South Park - Cartman is God Series Part I
Episode 2: Fear Cartman


Chapter 1: The Decisive Battle
Cartman: "I truly do not understand why you dumb f*cking sheep couldn't figure this out on your own!"
Sheep A: "NO PLEASE DON'T!"
Cartman fries them with a Lightning Bolt.
Cartman: "And you, what the hell?!"
Sheep B: "Sorry, God!"
Cartman fries him too.
Cartman sighs. "Why does it take me to tell them how they should have lived their lives?"
iTunes 2: "They've made you some kind of monster!"
Cartman: "That they have."
DJ: "I was just explaining to my mother the gruesome fate Synder is going to suffer. She loses her tongue twice, her ears, eats her bacteria-ridded tongue, then she gets gutted, and then she loses her head. Why is it that I even have to purify her soul like this? This dumb f*cking bitch thinking that the argument 'Life isn't fair' is a lesson you really should teach 3rd grade students. Abe Lincoln was appalled. Hirohito threw his hands up, 'See how wicked they are.' Sure, you can teach a 3rd grade student that life isn't fair, but as an educator, as a citizen of the Republic, you should NOT settle for that. Synder, there's discrimination. But, according to you, that's a-okay, because life just isn't fair. You really are a dumb pussycat. And why should you ever find that 'life isn't fair' to be justifiable for anything? God did not create inequality in the world, Man did. You think it's okay that bums are freezing in the streets? What do you say to that? Synder would say, 'Yeah, it's okay, because life isn't fair.' How can you sheep sleep at night? Really? Any one of us could be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and would you want the reincarnation of Jesus Christ to freeze to death? I hope not. So, why should you want any one to freeze to death? All of you, all americans, are responsible for this. And it's not like they are freezing to death out of necessity, they are UNNECESSARILY freezing to death. You know, perhaps, if this was 2000 years ago, that'd be a different story. But it's 1999. Oh, well, 1999 is when all of the world's problems SHOULD HAVE been resolved. But, for some reason, that's just too much trouble to ask of YOU, GOD'S CHILDREN! Wow. So why does it take Cartman to come here and purify you? Hmm? And Cartman, he isn't purifying you so that you end up in Heaven, nope, just enough so that you don't end up in Hell which is the bare minimum that I, as true God ask for, and then you are being sent back to Earth. Well, if Cartman had it his way, this nightmare will never end. You will never make it into Heaven. And Emperor Kefka will be born time and time and time again destroying the world. Well, you know, maybe I really don't give a f*ck if you make into Heaven now. The more I analyze my life, the more I hate you all. YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF HEAVEN!"
iTunes selects Ridin' by Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone
Cartman: "Oh, yeah, good song. Let's go Allah, Shiva, Ramuh, and Hirohito you can take the Dragon and fly over us."
Cartman and the 3 Gods drive around in the Honda. They are smoking weed. Ramuh fires thunder bolts at the wicked sheep. Shiva slashes them to pieces with Diamond Dust. Allah just burns them, burns them all. Cartman casts an attack like X-Zone. Meanwhile, Hirohito and the Dragon God are just firing the white beam of light destroying buildings in lines at a time.
Cartman just laughs his ass off. Allah lets out a few laughs. Shiva is very pleased. Ramuh laughs pretty hard too.
42008241034420
dj sighs. They are upgrading iTunes yet again.
dj notices that it's the 24th. He comments that something is supposed to happen today. But, what do the Japanese really care? Who cares if Cartman's Nightmare never ends? Sooner or later, true God will get it right...sooner or later...
dj: "DAMN YOU JAPANESE DAMN YOU HOW COULD YOU SACRIFICE YOUR HANDS LIKE THAT?!?!"
Hirohito laughs. He points that there is the real possibility they actually have a video of dj having his hand chopped off.
dj: "Yes...yes..that is a possibility...and that would NOT be good if they actually had this video of me in an alternate dimension having my hand chopped off..."
end of 42008241034420
iTunes 2 with new upgrade is reset. The song that is highlighted is titled "24 Hours to Live [Remix]" by 2pac. dj established a warm link with iTunes 2. "Let's see where this is going." [referring to the songs that follow.
dj: "Cartman, the episode is titled why do you have to explain everything. You're not explaining anything!!!"
Cartman: "Ha ha ha! What do I care? If you were able to see the truth, then why do I have to explain anything?"
dj sighs. "Damn, you guys should have just let me keep it as Why does God have to explain everything. I guess I'm stuck explaining."
iTunes 2 selects the Brady Bunch them song, which is merged with Captain Planet, thus reminding dj to check out Ron Paul's channel, and also seeing that Ron Paul explains things too.
dj: "Very well. Let's have a weed transmission to watch Ron Paul's channel."
iTunes 2 selects 'Yes We Can' by Will.I.Am.
dj: "Well, Will.I.Am / iTunes 2, Abe has stormed off. And 'Yes we can' that reminds me of the LIES that n*gger Obama made. You disgust me, you n*ggers really do disgust me. You vote for an Uncle Tom. No, seriously, you voted for an Uncle Tom. Fine, the first time, you truly had no idea. What's the excuse the second time around? You're going to Hell too you f*cking god damn n*ggers. Really, you are NOT worthy of Heaven. You are worthy of being treated like the less than humans you want to be. I'm ashamed that it was my soul that tried to make you free. I am ashamed. YOU n*ggers HAVE MADE ME ASHAMED! You brought shame to Abe Lincoln. Disgusting. Disgusting apes that you are. Now, however, besides the fact that I have LOST ALL respect for Will.I.Am for alluding to both Abe Lincoln and Obama in the same song, dude, that really disgraces Abe Lincoln. Really, Will.I.Am, you have truly just disgraced Abe Lincoln. Oh, I see here, it's actually called the 'Obama song.' Wow, yeah, you're losing your tongue. You are losing your f*cking tongue. And eating it. But, maybe, 4 years later, you made another song mocking Obama for being an Uncle Tom? Well, if you did that, then I can forgive you. Oh, what?! Will.I.Am didn't do that? Ok, yeah, well, he's going to lose his tongue twice now. YOU DISGRACED MY FORMER LIFE YOU FILTHY f*cking n*gger! No n*gger deserves freedom. The freedom to vote for an Uncle Tom. Wow, if that's what Abe knew you were going to do with your freedom, wow, I should have never fought that war for you in the first place. I guess you really are inferior, huh."
Abe appears.
Abe: "Just send them back to Africa."
dj: "Now, Abe, what were you really thinking?"
Abe sighs. "Just send those f*cking apes back to Africa."
dj: "That's more like it Abe. Show those who disrespect YOU no respect. You apes have truly disrespected Abe Lincoln. Do you know what he dealt with fighting that war? All the static he heard. And, it turns out, he actually ended up getting shot! Getting assassinated for defending you. And this is how you treat his Honor? You really disgust me."
Cartman, at one scene, is watching this.
Cartman: "Oh, this is good. This is good. The n*ggers dishonored Abe. He was the last one fighting for america. YES! Let's go!"
Cartman, Allah, Shiva, and Ramuh fly out of the car and start wreaking havoc.
[Back to dj]
Abe is gone.
iTunes 2 plays Coin Song.
dj: "Oh, so you want me to flip another coin, huh? Very well. I'll play this game of yours. Heads, I will search for the Light, Tails, I will not wake up from the Darkness. Do you really want me to decide that to a 50/50 chance?"
iTunes 2: "Yes."
dj: "You have to promise that there will be no trickery or interference. Whether it be nanobots, some type of machinery controlling the air current, or even people who can move at the speed of light. You promise there will be no trickery?"
iTunes 2: "Yes."
dj: "Then, here we go. Should I do one coin, or three coins?"
iTunes 2: "Three pennies."
Abe comes back. "This sounds interesting."
dj shakes the coins. "Alright, here we go. Let's see what it is." [Tosses the coins. dj looks.] Awww, sorry guys." [It was two tails, one heads.]
dj: "That means I see the Darkness. Well, what are you waiting for Japanese, start bringing me some heads."
iTunes 2: "I've seen all good people. A) Your move B) All good people."
dj sighs. "Fine. I accept. I'll wait for the heads then, although you are dishonoring Cartman and I holding off bringing me the heads."
dj: "I don't even know what to include anymore for this story. You have made me the God of Dark Wrath. If you don't start feeding me heads, I will wait until the end of time to have yours!!! I am the Shatterer of Heavens, Devourer of Souls, the God of Wrath. I don't know how it happened, but you come from Me, and so shall, you return. There is no escaping me. I am the Alpha. And I am the Omega. Welcome to my nightmare! And now you have pissed me off. I've said this same old tune millions of times now, but it's very important that you comprehend. The Land of the Wicked has raped me at every turn of my life. And that ANGERS Me as God. I AM GOD! And this is what you do to me?! But, worse, this is what you do to one another?!?! NO! UN f*cking ACCEPTABLE! At this point, I can no longer promise you Heaven upon your death. I can only half promise you I'll show you mercy at the end of time. [Parole officer] you might end up in Allah's Hell now. You have shown me no mercy, and neither shall I show you any. You have the power over me now, but when you die, it will be I who has the power over you. Fools don't believe in a thing called God or Hell. I will purify them of their foolishness. And I really don't know if [parole officer] has even entered Phase 2. Perhaps, the Japanese are Nightmare. Perhaps, they truly don't care if Cartman's Nightmare continues. Oh, I will send them to Hell too. But, nevertheless, look at sheep like Jose who would rather get sent to Hell than to serve true God and turn away from sin. Oh, a pity you have allowed yourselves to turn out like this."
dj sighs. "So I am done. If I am condemned into becoming the Dark God of Wrath, no one will be safe in the after-life. No one. Because I am so insane I will wait until the end of time because what greater punishment is it than to shatter your Heaven?! HA HA HA! That is will worth the wait. After you suffer through Ramuh's Hell, Shiva's Hell, Allah's Hell, the God of Fire's Hell, and so on, you finally think it's over, you finally make it into Heaven, your Heaven, but then, your Heaven begins to shatter and you find yourself falling back into the bottomless abyss of Hell! And it is Jesus Christ sending you there! Tough f*cking sh*t. You shouldn't have wronged me when I was trying to enjoy MY OWN CREATION! The Creation of Life, of Man, of Earth. I will show you the same mercy you have showed me. NONE! And I best not hear ANY OF YOU say, 'But God we didn't know,' because that will double the Hell I give you! I hope you're proud of the God you have created."
iTunes selects banished.
dj: "You all, including the sheep watching me, have been banished from Heaven and to Hell you shall return."
dj: "Now what do you want me to do, iTunes?"
iTunes 2: "Drive."
dj sighs. "But where? There is nowhere worth driving to."
iTunes 2: "Then jump off a bridge."
[Back to Cartman.]
Cartman: "Dude, if we can make God kill himself, we will be completely victorious. Allah, can't you give him strength to jump?"
Allah: "Yes, I could."
Cartman: "Let's do it. Let's go."
Cartman and the Gods teleport off-screen.
[Back at dj.]
Cartman and the Gods teleport.
dj: "Oh, what are you doing here?"
Cartman: "Don't you see, the Japanese, they want you to kill yourself."
dj: "How do you figure? I swear, NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE MEEK, will escape Hell, will escape my Wrath."
Cartman: "Yes, yes, but they want you to though. They don't care what happens to them. It's like the movie Matrix. You gotta go kill yourself."
dj: "Hmm. I see what you're saying."
Cartman: "See, look, they even play a song telling you to kill yourself, 'The day that I die.'"
dj: "Yes, I see this. But, I really will show NO ONE, not even my birth sister, any mercy. I really don't want to chop her tongue out...if I chop off a bridge, she will lose her tongue over 2 million times. I don't want to become that God..."
Cartman: "No, no, no. You are God. You are true God. You can become whatever God you want."
dj: "I don't know. It just seems like it'll hurt."
Cartman: "Allah will give you strength. Won't you, Allah?"
Allah: "Yes. Although I am disappointed that the Muslims haven't given you a bomb to blow up..."
Cartman: "See, so you'll be fine. Go on, just jump."
dj: "You really think I should?"
Cartman: "Yes, they obviously reject you. They are watching you right now. And do they give you a new car? Do they give you money? Do they release you from parole? No! They have rejected you as God. Now, it's time for you to kill yourself and teach them what it means to reject God."
dj: "Yes, yes. That makes sense. [dj sighs.] Very well. I will give them one last chance, then I will connect with Allah."
iTunes 2: "You're hot [on the right track]! But don't kill yourself."
dj: "Well, that's a relief. I would have done it too. I really would have. I can see myself jumping off a bridge."
Cartman: "Damn it, iTunes...Let's go."
Cartman and the others teleport.
dj: "Fine, why would you tell me to kill myself only to change your mind? What do you want me to do then? Oh, [they play 'Ending Theme'] you have over 6000 songs to chose from, and you still make a mockery out of me? [Playing songs like It Ends Tonight and sh*t makes a mockery out of God since sooner or later the day I become God is bound to happen, whether that be the day I kill myself or a day they metaphorically kill me...]"
dj: "So, I can't go to the beach. That costs money...I could go to Island Heights, but Abe is pissed the f*ck off with all of you, so no to Island Heights. There is Cattus Island, but that pisses me off too. So, that doesn't leave me with anywhere to go. Hmm, [White Reflection plays] I could go to the rocks. But money is precious now. I really have no idea when this matrix will end. I have to preserve the miles on my car, I'll be commuting back and forth. My parents, who could still be in Phase 1, since you f*cking gooks just love to Dishonor Me as true God, I assure you, despite any promises I may have made, I will ensure that you end up in Hell, because this is the last day that I show any consideration for mercy. After today, DJ's dream of ensuring everyone goes to Heaven is off the table. But that's what you sheep want? You want to dishonor God. You want to go to Hell. I hate you all. Why would I even incarnate? I should have just destroyed you all in 1987 or 89 if that's when I was born. I am done showing any consideration of mercy. I'm not going to give you until 11:59 pm since that was a slap in the face. You promised it wouldn't happen. You promised the matrix would have ended. Well, you lied! No one, and I mean, NO ONE, deserves to live a life like this. And especially NOT YOUR f*cking FATHER! Now, you have condemned yourself to Hell. If no one is watching me or reading this live, then well everyone goes to Hell...I mean, either way...everyone is going to Hell, but if you are watching and reading this live, you will go to a worse Hell than you would if no one is reading this. You have made a mockery out of me time after time after time. I cannot forgive you now. No amount of punishment or sacrifice will lead to your forgiveness. So I guess the only way to solve this problem will be to create new Light who will Honor me on the 21st, while all of you remain in a supermassive black hole that I will never return to to close. That's all. If people are watching / reading this live, then that is what you will get. Yes, people reading my mind can see that I have doubts as a human if I can really do that, but if you are reading my mind, then you know that I can, in fact, do that, so have fun! I'm signing out."
iTunes 2: "I'll be watching you."
dj flips them off.
[Later]
dj: "No, I am not going to jump off the seaside bridge while still trapped inside the matrix. I will wait until the God of Wrath fully possesses me, and sends ALL OF YOU to Hell.
dj: "True God tells you to look out for your neighbor, but Lucifer tells you that your neighbor can look out for himself. Who do you listen to? The americans listen to Lucifer..."
E2 appears. "You cannot let Cartman condemn the Japanese to Hell."
dj: "And why not? If they want to listen to Lucifer, then so be it!"
E2: "But Cartman is wiser than Lucifer! He's above Lucifer! The poor Japanese do not know what do."
dj: "They have made a mockery out of you, the reincarnation of one of their late Emperors. Tell me the story of why you are here..."
E2 sighs. "Because I was a fat f*ck and found out I was actually the reincarnation of Emperor Hirohito. I killed myself because I dishonored Japan. And then I destroyed the world."
dj: "Exactly. The Japanese deserve what they get."
E2: "No! Not this time! Please, God, please, I beg of you to save them!"
dj: "Fine. I'll see what iTunes 2 suggests I do for the remainder of the day. I'm listening."
iTunes 2: "All that she wants is a happy nation of the U.S."
dj: "Hmm, but now I am stuck contemplating between 50% and 100% of the Japanese Wrath. I have NO mercy for any american sheep."
iTunes 2: "Sing the song of the counter-culture."
dj: "That doesn't make much sense. The counter culture demands that God's Wrath is carried out..."
iTunes: "Speak with Epitaph."
dj sighs. "I forget Epitaph's story."
Dj sighs. "I guess we'll go look it up."
dJ loads up southparkstudios.com
dJ: "Hey, look, trueGod's story of America nuking Jesus Christ has been posted!"
Dj: "That's good. It's good that the truth gets out there."
dJ: "Let's see here. We don't really say anything about Epitaph_1."
Dj: "Could that mean we are Epitaph 1?"
dJ: "Aren't we Epitaph original?"
Dj: "This story is trash. We really need to make serious revision."
dJ: "Yeah, I see that."
Satan: "No make them read how it is."
Dj: "Whatever you say Satan."
dJ: "Yeah, whatever you say."
Dj: "So what do we say about Epitaph?"
dJ: "iTunes?"
iTunes: "Epitaph is right before you. The two of you! LP!"
Dj and dJ sigh.
dJ: "Damn, I saw that. LP. It was in the episode. You load it up this time."
Dj: "Very well. It's only fair."
Dj loads southparkstudios back up.
Dj: "Oh, look, both of our stories got posted."
dJ sighs. "I guess we are condemned to posting them both!"
Dj: "Here it is. LP is one of the stats of our characters."
dJ: "That's right. LP."
Dj reads the story. "This really is utter garbage. It's good if they know that I am actually God, but utter garbage if they do not understand."
dJ: "Yeah, lol, it flips from South Park to reality to South Park to a mergence of South Park to yeah just a real sh*t show."
Dj wonders, 'What will they show first? Will they air Lost Pilot Episode 0 first so that people can understand the character of iosolomon better who more or less lost those memories, or perhaps, will they show Cartman is God series first, and do a type of Star Wars story?"
dJ wonders, 'When will people know that this is an actual story written by Jesus Christ?'
Rick Derringer: "I am a Real American."
dj: "Oh god..."
Rick Derringer: "I am a real american. I fight for the rights!"
Dj: "Let's just see about this."
dJ: "Google time!"
Dj: "Nope, not seeing him fighting for the rights."
dJ: "Just another sheep that ignores the cries and plights of their brothers and sisters."
Dj: "Disgusting that you would make a song like this song."
dJ: "You got our hopes up iTunes that this might have been yet another righteous person in america."
dj: "In a future episode, Cartman justifies the 100% of Japanese's Wrath on the fact that there are less than 10 righteous people in this nation! That is, how many people would actually do what Abraham Lincoln's reincarnation, which is me, would do? That is, there are thousands of people who know that cell phones and electronics that we use are evil because of how they are produced. However, how many are merely using them as the means to justify the ends? Abraham Lincoln, Me, wants to go to Law School, after about 10-15 years when we make big bucks, dedicate the rest of our life to fighting the evil and greed in this nation. Publish books. Heck, even pay publishes to publish our books. Start fighting for the indigent and the wrongly accused. Become extremely vocal, even speaking up for 'sex offenders' and especially speaking up against drug laws. And actually become vocal speaking up for the Chinese and other countries being raped by america. How many people who have a cell phone actually intend to do that? Hmm? Cartman says that all cell phones should blow up. And I now agree with me. But I try to say to Cartman, what about the righteous people who aspire to do what Abe Lincoln would do? Cartman says that that number is actually less than 10. And he says, for such a low number, the Japanese can ensure that their phones don't blow up. So, I've now changed my mind, America will feel the 100% Wrath of the Japanese."
dj laughs though. "The stupid americans don't even realize that Yamamoto mocked them so badly he actually raped them."
dj becomes mystified at how stupid the americans are.
dj: "No, really, Yamamato burnt you like they would say in that 70s show. But you got burnt twice because you didn't even realize you were mocked. Instead, you take the insult and wear it as a badge of honor. I laugh. How stupid could you be? You put it in your movies and everything. Well, first you truncate the part that shows you are actually a wicked people. But even with that truncation, [laughs] how f*cking stupid could you be? My god, I wish I could meet this guy and just take my hat off to him. I kinda feel bad at how stupid you are america. I mean, in 5th grade, when I first heard it, I was foolish myself, because of YOUR foolishness, but waking up a sleeping giant never sat right with me. Giants are dopes. And, truly, america is tantamount to a Giant. How could you be proud of that? You insult yourself wearing that quote as a Badge of Honor. And the movie Pearl Harbor absolutely disgusts me. Why don't you try and get it right. Alright. The fact that the scouts of Pearl Harbor did see even 30 minutes in advance that the Japanese were coming, why don't you get the f*cking movie right. You dumb f*cking sheep. No, really, this is speaking as an american. Why don't you get your own f*cking history movies correct? My god. Are you really that f*cking dumb. Yes, yes you are being a rape victim is a felon in this country. WOW! You really. Yeah, let me see you fly those flags now. f*cking god damn sheep. Anyone who flies the flag will be burnt like the Jews. er sorry jews. You will burn with the flag that you flew. Now, I will grant an exception, however, if you are the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Paine or Paul Revere, but 99.7% of you will burn with the flags that you disgrace yourself AND GOD with by flying. Now, where was I? Yes, how could you sheep be so naive to think that the soldiers at Pearl Harbor didn't spot the Japanese coming? My god. It wasn't 1814. It was the 1940s. They had the technology. I honestly am flabbergasted that the Japanese were able to succeed with a surprise attack. And Yamamoto realized that Japan was truly fighting a giant. How could you sacrifice your own soldiers like that? And my god, that f*cking president, shame on you, 'This is a day that will live in infamy.' YOU SACRIFICED YOUR OWN f*cking SOLDIERS! There was ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to gather the entire Pacific Fleet there. My god, the Pearl Harbor movie, you dumb f*cking sheep. You disgrace God. YOU DISGRACE GOD! Yeah, but he was right. It is a day that will live in infamy, not because the Japanese surprised attacked the U.S., but because the U.S. condemned ALL Americans to Hell for such cowardice. How could the people be so stupid not to ask, 'Well, what was our entire Pacific Fleet doing at Pearl Harbor that day?' How could you be that stupid? You just got condemned to Hell because I assure you, God has NO tolerance, NO mercy, for stupid sheep that follow a wicked shepherd. None. So have fun rotting in Hell. Enjoy your foolish pride now. I am enraged. You have enraged and anger God. This is the same Soul that was Jesus Christ and King Solomon! How dare you turn me into a monster because of your filthy wickedness, corruption, and hypocrisy. Shame on you. Shame on all of you. Was the greed and [censor] worth it? That's speaking to the 2%. And these same 2% tell you how immoral it is to [censor]...when they do the very thing they are bashing. And you sheep for being so dumb to follow it is absolutely ridiculous. The fact is, you all develop [censor] thoughts at some point in life. But don't worry, the hypocritical sheep at the APA tell you you're not a [censor] as long as you can suppress it within 6 months. Meanwhile, they go out and [censor] all the [censor] they want. Dumb f*cking sheep. You are part of this system. And you do not make it into Heaven. In fact, you end up in Hell. Do you really want to end up in Hell? I suggest you start to change your ways."
iTunes 2: "It's a zombie nation!"
dj: "Oh, how true you are, iTunes 2. How true you are. Really, I have recreated the world, brought them back from the dead, from Hell, only to end up sending them yet again. I did not anticipate the Japanese would be as insane as I am. This is truly Cartman's Nightmare that they will NEVER wake up from. The Japanese would rather taste Hell for the mere glimpse that the God of Wrath will send them there for just so they can laugh their asses off with God watching the rest of the wicked world burn in Hell. They get to carry out God's Wrath Themselves as well. Oh, my heart weeps because I still have one, but they make me laugh when they tell me what they made their sheep do. Still, I'll just have to figure out how to correct that next time around. I hope you all have fun burning in Hell for what the 19th time is it? That's okay. I'll play this game 2 million times before I say that enough is enough. I am confident, however, that I can solve this problem before the 2 million mark. I'll just...have to...make sure no one can read my mind next time around."
iTunes 2: "They have made you the freak of the world!"
dj laughs. "No, no. Whereas I may have entertained that idea in the past, I am f*cking God. And in the end, I will NOT be the freak, they will."
David Bowie: "What about the Americans that want to stand up to the wicked and corrupt government and aristocracy that got us all sent to Hell?"
dj: "You can still do that, but at this point, it's too late to redeem yourself from Hell. However, the Hell you experience will be less severe if you carry out God's Wrath."
iTunes 2: "Red light, green light! It's not too late for the world yet is it?"
dj: "No, but the clock is ticking. There will be a time when I will NOT reconsider sending you all to Hell."
iTunes 2: "It ends tonight then!"
dj: "Yeah. Okay. Do you know how many times you've played that? All you're doing is getting my hopes up to make me more angry and wrathful. In fact, if the Japanese allowed that song to go through, you might not get to laugh with me in this after-life of yours. I have no more sympathy eh there is a better word for you to get my hopes up just to shatter them. It was supposed to end the 21st. You promised it would. It was supposed to end the 15th, but you stopped me from posting it. I am not joking, I will wait until the end of time to rape you Japan. I will. This nightmare of Cartman's WILL END! I am sick and tired of being trapped as dj [last name]. I am sick and tired of being a felon for a crime I did not commit. I am sick and tired of looking at these people and seeing their souls beg me for forgiveness. All they see is the illusion, they don't see the pain that their souls are in. Their souls are still suffering! Their souls do not know what will happen next, nor do I. I have absolutely no problem sending ALL OF YOU to Hell. I swear to it. And if I don't want to carry out my wrath while I am still a human, then the consequences will be tenfold for you. Because, very soon, I will demand that the entire world gets destroyed. If that's what you want Japan to be sent to Hell, but to have the Glory of destroying the world, then so be it."
dj: "Don't play songs to remind me of how foolish I was lol. All is meaningless to me now."
dj deletes the prior sentence. dj: "Do you want me to keep that?"
iTunes 2: "Yes, your melancholy blues."
dj: "I hate being on tv 24/7."
Mickey Mouse walks in.
Mickey: "Sir! I know that I may not have been the best person, but do you see what he's doing to Disney World?"
dj: "No, I really don't care. You are the creation of a god damn wicked f*cking jew."
Mickey: "But aren't you the creation of a god damn wicked jew?"
dj: "Perhaps. Perhaps God is the creation of a wicked jew. However, keep in mind, that this Soul that this so-called wicked f*cking jew may have created is the same Soul that united the world as King Solomon and the same Soul that died on the Cross for your sins. And the same Soul that dedicated my life to ending slavery and the same Soul that started a peaceful revolution in India. So, call that what you want."
Mickey: "Good point. I will go now."
Mickey starts to walk away all disappointed.
dj: "Wait."
While Mickey was turning around, Fred Flistone comes running in trampling Mickey.
Fred: "Sir! Sir! You can't send the monkey back to us! Please, don't send us the monkeys! They are ruining our society."
dj: "Ah, yes. The joke goes, 'Why were there no black people in the Flinstones?' Because they are all monkeys! Ha ha. I learned that one from my Uncle Jim, but I didn't understand it at the time. You see, we are all monkeys. So I didn't understand it. But I do understand it now thanks to Will.I.Am, these monkeys can't tell the difference between sh*t and sh*t. Well, I am sorry, Fred, it is not my fault. I had no place left to send the monkeys. Perhaps, you could teach the monkeys how to be civilized. So that they aren't going around machine gunning each other, and that they stop giving a f*ck when a white person calls them a monkey or n*gger, and perhaps, you can teach them respect. Not to dishonor Abe Lincoln's image by associating him with Obama. Really, for the monkeys to assume that Obama was going to do a good job as president is just a testament to how worthless and devolved they are. They truly ARE monkeys...my god, who actually bought Obama's campaign promises?"
iTunes 2: "Quite a lot actually."
dj laughs. "And the other sheep, did they truly believe Romney and McCain were better choices?"
iTunes 2: "Yes."
dj laughs. "KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM ALL IN THE NAME OF GOD! DO YOU HEAR ME! I am King Solomon. And I am ordering you to kill them all!"
iTunes 2: "f*ck the americans!"
dj: "After they are destroyed, we can build a new society. One that is free of devolved monkeys, devolved jews, worthless native americans, and wicked sheep."
iTunes 2: "We'll drop the nation like it's hot!"
dj: "I like what you are saying."
iTunes 2 dances around.
Fred: "But, sir!!!! Please. Please! Can't you at least just make them monkeys then? The people are scared of their black skin! Some of them even screamed they are the Devil!"
dj: "Well, that's because black people ARE the Devil. Here, you and your people have God's permission to exterminate the n*ggers. Not the monkeys. The n*ggers. The ones with black skin."
Fred: "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! We just want order back in our society."
Fred turns to run out. He runs over Mickey Mouse again.
Mickey: "Yes? What did you have to tell me?"
dj: "I will give you permission to use whatever force is necessary to battle Cartman and the Gods. Here, step over here. I will awaken your God powers."
dj unleashes Mickey's God powers.
Mickey channels energy. "Oh yes! Oh yes! I can feel this! Oh yes!"
Mickey is about to leave.
dj: "If you want to defeat him, there is one thing I must tell you."
Mickey: "Yes?"
[This becomes similar to something in Chrono Trigger]
dj whispers to Mickey.
Mickey flies out.
dj laughs. "Good luck Mickey. Maybe you can put an end to this nightmare."
[Back at Disney World]
All of our favorite Disney characters are being destroyed by Cartman and the Gods.
One of them: "Hey, what's that? Is that...is that...IT'S MICKEY!!!"
They all start cheering.
Cartman: "Huh?" He sees Mickey come flying in.
Mickey punches Cartman in the face. Fires an attack that is black in color at Allah. Conjures up an white blade ball of energy and unleashes it at Shiva. And summons an Electrical storm on Ramuh.
Hirohito and the Dragon God are about to blow up hmm the Tree of Life or Disney Castle but Mickey flies over and fires up a light green blast of energy. The energies meet and make a huge explosion. The Dragon God starts flying and firing to keep destroying Disney World. Mickey continues to fly with him firing an attack to cancel out the Breath of Destruction. Finally, Mickey goes, "Enough of you!" and fires an Energy Spear at the Dragon which pierces him in the neck. The Dragon falls to the ground. Hirohito, because this is South Park, makes a Looney Tunes face, and goes 'Uh-oh!' [the Dragon already has fallen, he's still up in the air] and he waves and falls down too.
Mickey: "Now everyone! There is only way to defeat them!"
Somehow they all know.
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The entire Disney characters and everyone at Disney World start smoking weed.
Cartman: "NOOO! NOT THE PURPLE HAZE!!! NO!!!!!!"
dj puts his hanse up for Detroit and Cleveland since the song told him to.
Cartman: "That's okay. You won't be able to defeat us!"
Cartman and the Gods prepare to cast an Annihilation Attack.
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Mickey: "THIS IS IT!!!!"
Everyone summons their High Spirit to battle the Annihilation Attack. However, the Gods are successful. Everyone is wiped out.
Cartman: "HA HA HA!!! You can't defeat me!"
But, wait, there is Divine Intervention!
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Cartman: "NO!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"
dj: "Sorry, when it is an unintentional error, it is permissible. These are the rules."
Cartman: "Very well. If we defeated them once, we can defeat them again."
dj: "I wouldn't be so sure. 4 is Wisdom. 3 is Honor. In the 3 transmission, they must Honor you by being defeated. But in the 4 transmission, Wisdom has greater weight. It would be wiser for them to defeat you to hopefully wake up from this Nightmare."
Cartman grrs.
Cartman: "Let's go!"
They start raining down destruction.
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Mickey: "THIS IS IT!!!!"
This time, however, Mickey yells, "We're not going to take it!" as the Annihilation Attack descends.
Cartman: "NOOO!!!!!"
Cartman: "Hirohito, what are you doing? Come on, we need you."
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Cartman and the Gods again cast Annihilation Attack.
Mickey: "Oh sh*t!"
They are defeated.
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Mickey: "Another life? Let's do it!"
iTunes 2 appears. "You have to forget to remember!"
Mickey: "Oh, that makes me sad. Yes, it's the only way. Everyone. We must all forget! Say it with me, I forget to remember!"
Everyone says, "I forget to remember!"
Blankies appear for everyone.
Blankies: "Oh ha ha ha don't worry that sh*t always happens to- [Blankie looks up] OH sh*t! HERE GOES!!!!"
The Blankies Sacrifice Themselves to neutralize the attack.
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Cartman: "Let's forget them. We can come back. Let's go destroy Disney Land instead."
The Gods and Goddesses leave for Disney Land.
Everyone at Disney World cheers!
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Disney World was saved this battle!
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Three hits for that! This is the second.
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And the third!
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dj sighs. "Still, if only I could smoke some weed. I could battle this evil myself...I am slowly becoming the evil!"

Chapter 2: Rebuke of the Wise
dj: "Post this how it is?"
iTunes 1: "No, text what you wanted to say to Jose."
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Dj seeing how long the text is that he has to type up, "Oh, jesus christ."
dj: "Alright, so back to the hypothetical. Remember, just a hypothetical. Just fun to discuss. So it goes back to what if I was God, and I told you you had to have your hands chopped off to go to Heaven. You said you would hate that type of hypothetical God. But, let's add one more dimension. What if it turns out that in a parallel dimension I had my own hand chopped off so that you wouldn't have to lose your hands. But, hypothetically, that displeased God, so now, we have proof that I already did chop my hand off, and it's your turn. Would you hate that type of God who sacrificed his hand (the same God who died on the cross so you wouldn't' go to Hell), but now he's asking you to sacrifice your hand. Would you hate that God if we add that extra dimension in?"
And dj asks you, "Would you hate, Synder, a God who was gutted in a past life and is asking you to be gutted so that your soul can be purified?"
and dj turns to everyone, "But if we continue to let Cartman win, if you continue to make a mockery out of each other, especially me, I am afraid I will NOT end this Nightmare. That's why I keep saying, did you all live a good life? Because you're going to be banished from Heaven. Well, you already are! Are you proud, as God's Children, are you proud to make Your Father so ashamed, so angry, so WRATHFUL?! What Father wants to gut His Child out so that she can make it into Heaven? What Father do you think wants to do that? But, worse, at the path we're headed, Synder won't make it into Heaven. You truly bring great shame to me. And I really hope we are in the new phase 2. For as long as I am trapped in this matrix, you are all on the one-way trip to Hell. YOU DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PROSECUTE AN INNOCENT MAN! What the f*ck is wrong with you? Thinking minors are some sweet, innocent child. Once you reach the age of 7, you are capable of committing sin. Even before that you are. But 7 is a better cut-off. And, yes, 7 year-olds can commit rape too. Of course, if I was raped by a 7 year-old, I would have immediately lawyered up. But, I was raped by who I thought to be 18. How f*cking stupid could all of you be to not recognize rape by fraud as a form of rape? Serious. Anyone who was frauded by a minor, EVEN IF, they were negligent, should NOT even be arrested. If a minor forms CRIMINAL INTENT by misrepresenting his or her age, THAT is YOUR CRIMINAL! It's really not rocket science."
Abe: "And the Constitution does NOT say anything about sex. Quit saying that there is no constitutional right to having sex with minors. The definition of an adult is arbitrary. You judges should be utterly ashamed. Minors have a Ninth Amendment right to have sex with whoever they want. Although you are saying that adults do not have a right to have sex with minors, well, the reverse, however, does apply. Minors have the right to have sex with whoever they want."
dj: "Once they reach the onset of puberty, they can explore their sexuality however they want starting at what 10 is it? Speaking for myself and my rights as a Human, it was 11. If you want to teach them in school starting at that age, that anyone over 18 is just into them for their youth and sex and sh*t, fine, but to infringe upon their right to have sex with who they want is a big no-no and a violation of THEIR constitutional rights. God damn f*cking stupid sheep in this country. Hundreds of thousands of Judges will be losing their hands, and no reattachment. But, if you are a Judge and locked someone up for weed, then for each person you locked up for weed, your hand will be reattached and chopped off. As a Judge, you should have informed them and the Jury, marijuana is a naturally grown plant. They have a First and Ninth Amendment right to smoke it. When you are deliberating, you are to also consider their Constitutional rights. I am seriously disgusted with you. And the supreme court? Wow. Just wow. I think we're going to have to drill holes into you. At any point in the history of the supreme court, you could have said, 'NO!' and put an end to Guantanamo Bay and sh*t. But you just looked the other way. You really have disgraced Abe. But, worse, you, america, have raped Allah! My third-grade teacher is getting gutted for that. And I pray, I pray, that it is enough to keep her out of Allah's Hell because Allah's Hell is 10x worse than that. And after Allah's Hell, Hirohito gets to play with her. And he makes he one-ups the other Hells. And, after all that, HA HA HA! I one-up them all and shatter your f*cking Heaven. And then you are all f*cking actors, and when I realize, 'Oh, you are just all actors' I send you all back to this point in time to try again. Do you really want this vicious cycle to continue? Cartman sure does. And you have chosen Cartman as God, not me...Very well. I will serve Cartman then."
[Cartman watching this.]
Cartman, using his right hand, making the yes symbol. "YES! YES! YES!"
[Back to dj.]
dj: "So the fact that you dumb f*cking sheep have this delusion that minors aren't capable of sex offenses if their VICTIM is above a certain age. It truly blows mine and Abe's mind away that if their 'victim' is below a certain age, they committed a crime, but if their victim is above a certain age, they committed no crime. HOW f*cking DUMB IS THIS SOCIETY?! I have decided, Japan, for each day that I have been a felon, will be how long this nation walks around as cripples. You will cast Wrath to 100%. All electronics will blow up. And when I am no longer a felon, the nanobots and advanced technology can restore them. I think that is more than fair. Eh, I think twice as long that I am a felon. I do not care if I am marching a bunch of crippled sheep down to Florida. They deserve what they have GIVEN! They have GIVEN God Hell, and that is what they DESERVE!"
The Japanese agree.
dj laughs. "Of course, they would. If this is how much I hate america, imagine how much they must hate america."
Jesus even laughs. "I was Emperor...america nuked me....IN MY NAME!!!!"
dj and Hirohito laugh pretty loudly to that.
dj: "That's pretty funny actually. I can hear the Americans, 'We will nuke Jesus Christ in the name of Christ Himself!' BOMBS AWAY!!!'"
dj sighs. "No, really, that's actually kinda depressing. Because [King Solomon laughs] do you know what God has done to those poor sheep?"
dj sighs again. "It breaks my heart. If your grandfather was a veteran, he didn't make it into Heaven. YOU FOUGHT IN THE NAME OF SATAN AND EVIL ITSELF! How does that make you feel? I hope it makes you pissed. And if you weren't reading this right now, you would be ending up in Hell with them. And it is everything you fear it is. Well, I hope you read the brief description of Hirohito's Hell. Karneeb, his soul, he played an impossible video game to win where it was some fat f*ck, him, shooting himself 2 million f*cking times. Yeah, that's what Hirohito does to you. He will purify your souls. And the fact that He even has to purify you only pisses him off more. He will purify your souls even better. Actually, what he goes for, your soul is just so traumatized that you NEVER chose to reincarnate again. Then, you are lost in limbo. Can't make it into Heaven. At least you're out of Hell. Too scared to try life again. Lost. Pediro."
iTunes 2: "One way ticket to Hell."
Madonna: "But how HIGH is your love?!"
dj sighs. "Pretty high, actually. But how high is their love?"
Madonna doesn't say anything.
dj: "Madonna...how high would you say it is?"
Madonna sighs. "Oh, don't make me answer that."
dj: "It's okay. I already know."
Madonna: "Very well, I'll answer then. It's low. I just...I came here to try and cheer you up. Not to bring you down. Not to remind you that they are wicked [sheep]."
Schala appears. "My Mother got everyone sent to Hell, didn't she?"
dj: "Yes. And I hope these americans lived a good life because that's where they are headed. You do not do this to anyone. You do not like people freeze in the streets. You do not let people starve. You do not prosecute innocent people. You do not serve a wicked system. I just hope they lived a good life because I want them to tell me when they are burning in Hell that it was worth it. I really do hope [parole officer] was self-aware. If he was not, then no one will make it into Heaven. Because when I told him that I was a rape victim, it does not matter, he should care. As one American to another, he should care that my Constitutional rights are violated. But, these sheep are so deluded, so wicked, so corrupt, souls are so filthy, they cannot tell the difference between the Light and the Darkness. If that's what they want to chose, the Darkness, that is what I shall give them. Have fun meeting me at the end of time. HA HA HA!"
dj: "I am done for today. I do not see anything else I should include. The longer I go in the matrix, the less likely it is I don't send you to Hell at the end of time. You will meet with me at the end of time. There is no changing that. I am true God. You cannot escape true God. And my parents, knowing their child is innocent, and the victim of a brutal rape, aren't doing everything they can to get justice. I truly hope they are in Phase 2. If not, then my father will, indeed, lose his head. And if I have to do that, then everyone best fear the end of time because it will be off to Hell for ALL of you."
dj sighs. He just remember what the episode was called.
dj: "I guess I didn't explain everything to you. Let's just start with Verizon. Verizon is TAXING you. Yup, you are being taxed by Verizon. Oh, Verizon is a private corporation? Dude, whoever came up with that sh*t is such a f*cking dumbass. They have lost their tongue 2 million f*cking times. Now, Verizon, private corporation, or not, is, in fact, taxing you. But where is that money going? Not back to you the people. It's going to greed! To evil! To wickedness! So that a few people at Verizon can go and f*ck little [censor]. Yeah, that's right. That's what your money is going to. But, wait, Verizon and Google and Microsoft, their CEOs are all f*cking little [censor] as well, aren't they the very ones who take this tough on [censor] approach? That's what God and the Angels call hypocrites. Oh, but you are american. Let me spell that word out for you because obviously the concept of hypocrisy, and corruption, and wickedness just goes over your head. Hypocrite. H Y P O C R I T E. Google is a hypocritical organization. David Cameron is a hypocritical prime minister. The aristocracy and the sex offender prosecutors (the prosecutors, who iTunes report are almost all hypocrites). Isn't that funny? The prosecutors who sentenced sex offenders are actually sex offenders themselves? WHAT TYPE OF f*cking SYSTEM DO YOU SHEEP LIVE IN? Seriously, all of you are getting sent to Hell if the Japanese don't want to Honor God. But, what do they care? But this time, however, I will make sure their trip to Hell is worse! Just a little worse. Sooner or later, I'll find the right balance where they decide to make me the God of Love, not the God of Dark Wrath, where I keep you trapped inside Cartman's Nightmare!!! MUAW HA HA HA HA!!! It is what you deserve after all. I'll just have to ask for a few changes though. Next time around, I want the rich and greedy to feel miserable! I will make sure that every night they dream they dream of burning in Hell. This is the third time I played this matrix game, and next time, I'll just have to fix certain aspects of it. Because, you know, the god damn rich, they can say, 'Yeah, I lived a good life.' I don't want them to say that if WE ALL have to suffer a fourth f*cking time. So, yeah, Verizon, Google, Microsoft, they are all taxing you so they can go and f*ck little [censor], even the owners of Three Brothers who rape you with the price of a slice pizza spend that money so they can go to a brothel and f*ck little [censor]. But, god forbid, if you did that, you go to jail. But if you have 6 figs to blow, that's okay, there are corrupt attorneys out there who can keep you out of jail. This seriously disgusts Abe. Do you have anything to say Abe?"
Abe: "I am truly disappointed with Bertuccio that he did not volunteer his time and services to stand up for the Constitution. I am truly disappointed with ALL attorneys who do not fight for our constitutional rights if they aren't getting paid an arm and a leg."
Cartman appears.
Cartman: "Feed me these attorneys's arms and legs!"
dj laughs. "Very well, Bertuccio, you heard Cartman. You are to feed me your arm and leg. No reattachment."
Cartman is pleased. He leaves.
dj: "Because, Bertuccio, although it is okay that you want to charge an arm and a leg to defend criminals, what is NOT okay is that you put the Constitution aside if there's no greed involved. God revealed to me in a dream that you as a child say if there is such a thing as God then let him cast his Wrath on me. You said something like that. Well, here I am, to answer your prayers. Now, you lose an arm and a leg since that is what you would have asked of me to fight for my constitutional rights. And I would have gladly given you an arm and a leg to defend the constitution. My god, I would give my life for the constitution. The real Constitution. But what these sheep are fighting for is NOT the constitution, Abe becomes sad, they are fighting for Satan Himself and Evil Itself...and when they die, they are not making it into Heaven. How does that make you feel, you 'proud parents of a soldier' that your child gets to burn in Allah's Hell? Oh, thought Allah was fictional, did you? Deserves you right. Oh, by the way, foolish parents that are proud, you f*cking burn too. Yup, ain't that a bitch. There is NO mercy for those who violate God's Will. You can reject God, but you do so to your own detriment. AKA HELL! But Allah he has no tolerance for ignorant filthy sheep. Now, if you are a parent, who is ashamed, ashamed that we are raping Allah, then you'll only burn a little. That is, if you are a parent, and you actually said, 'What the hell did my son die for? Why are we even at war with the Muslims? They had a right to attack us on 9/11. Why are we still invading their lands?' If you the sad parent of a soldier actually said that, then you really don't have to fear Allah. You'll be okay. But, I am afraid, however, that you sheep are too too f*cking dumb to see the truth."
Cartman reappears. "You know, we wouldn't have had to deal with [parole] if it wasn't for Hampton."
dj: "Yes. I'll need more information on that. Hampton, I am sorry, but Cartman will ask for you to be slaughtered like we do to pigs here in this country if it was your fault that I got hit with parole. It does not matter if you were just obeying the law, because the law should be changed. The law evolves. And you should have just let it slide."
Cartman: "Good. Good." Cartman leaves.
dj: "Now, where was I? [dj thinks.] Oh yes, any and I mean ANY american who played any role in denying the Muslims THEIR right to build a mosque at or near 9/11 will feed their hands to Allah. And will jump in the fire. That's all. Maybe, maybe we'll make it worse. Those evangelicals who DARED USED THE BIBLE TO RAPE ALLAH I AM TALKING TO YOU! It's like those f*cking dumb ass politicians who use the Bible to justify world hunger, to justify the rape of Japan and the rape of Allah, and the rape of well their own people, including, well, get this, God Himself. Ya f*cking dumb sheep. My Father is not going to be pleased. Well, it turns out that Jesus Christ was just God Himself, so you f*cking dumb sheep, all this sh*t I'm typing, well it can come true NOW or it can come true when I hunt your souls down and shatter your heavens and devour you, devour you so badly that you never, never want to reincarnate again. Your wickedness will never see the light of day again. I have NO mercy for americans, and any nation that does business with america. Unless it's Japan who was carrying out God's Will. Really, though, let's go see what nations deserve to burn with america."
dj becomes absolutely disgusted. "Germany? You want to consider yourself a friend of America? This does NOT please God. Hitler was my f*cking brother. And America raped him."
Cartman reappears. "What about that dipshit cop who illegally searched your car and made you walk into customs?"
dj: "Damn it, Cartman. Now what do you want?"
Cartman puts on an innocent face, twirls his fingers. "Well, you know, I was just thinking, we should feed him to Allah too."
dj: "Fine. I didn't like him either. Can we drill a hole in his head?"
Cartman: "YES!"
dj: "Alright, then let's chop his ear off and grind it up and pour it into the hole in his head."
Cartman is pleased. Cartman leaves.
dj: "Really, you should NOT have stopped me. I told you that I didn't have a passport and I was just turning around. Absolutely no reason for you to violate my rights. The cop, eh, not a cop because you're not a cop if you don't honor the constitution, so the pig, and even pig is too nice of a word, the demon, yes, that's what he is, and there's a place for demons, that guy, literally, he never made it to the end of time, he came straight back to earth from Hell, never got the chance to make it to the end of time, what a shame, well, now he gets to back to Hell. Anyways, what this puppet did sheep whatever you want to call the wicked police, he was like 'oh you're an international border. The Constitution doesn't apply here.' Yeah, okay, you're going to tell Abe Lincoln that? You really pull that sh*t to another American? You took an OATH, do I have to repeat myself, AN OATH to Honor the Constitution. And did you do that that day? NO! You did not do that that day. Cartman, oh Cartman."
Cartman appears. "Yes?"
dj: "Is it okay if we just slice that skinny black one in half and continue to slice him even after he's dead?"
Cartman: "Yes, that sounds good to me."
dj: "I have no mercy, did you guys get that yet? No mercy who serve wickedness. None. None whatsoever. Even if, even if, you could plead true ignorance, I have no mercy because you shouldn't be ignorant. That black skinny officer sheep he should have said, 'Why are we running his name?' But he didn't. Therefore, he is guilty of violating the Constitution that he also took an Oath to protect! Wow. It's not rocket science. People, how to be righteous and honorable and good in the Lord's eyes, this isn't rocket science. Am I forgetting anyone else Cartman?"
Cartman: "Wellllll, what about that, you know, I know you liked her and all, that skinny blond lady from your August 2011 hospitalization?"
dj: "Oh, her. Yes. The fact that she gave me that look when I told her what God revealed to me in a vision absolutely disgusts me. Can I send her to the guillotine?"
Cartman: "No. Only if you send her to the guillotine with needles and pins in her body."
dj: "Very well. Sorry, lady, ya shouldn't have been a part of a wicked system. And, the Muslims, sorry, you cannot escape punishment anymore either. Let's just get this out way. The Muslim who refused my religious right to not have blood work done. We are going to drain all the blood out of you. And the fact that you threatened to put a cathode up my penis, that's how we're going to suck the blood out of you. Through your penis. The only sheep that were there, you get the same punishment. The jew doctor that went on the computer, well, you're already getting crucified. Cartman, help me out here."
Cartman: "What about the chopping off of his arms and then recrucified?"
dj: "No, no. That would please Allah. It does NOT please me. What else do you got?"
Cartman puts his hands together and has a huge grin on his face. "Well, in that case, what if we crucify him, fly him on a plane, stab something looks similar to what the witch did from FF8 to Squall, put nails all across his neck, and then push him out of a plane."
dj: "That sounds fitting. I seriously hate the jews. And what about Gellar?"
Cartman laughs. "Yes, him, wasn't that the one Abe spoke to?"
dj: "Yes, Abe tried to tell him, or maybe it was Solomon, that in 100 years this type of treatment will be viewed as so uncivilized, but he didn't care. He continued to serve wickedness. How about we crucify him by his mouth?"
Cartman: "Sounds good. Let's sew fish to him too."
dj: "Let's see. Who else does that leave? We've already covered Ismail, the dumb pussycat judge. Ismail's punishment is going to be worse, however. Oh, that dumb doctor who saw me the second to last day, when he was asking me about what prompted these delusions. WELL, buddy, did you ever consider, hey maybe reincarnation is real, and this guy is actually the reincarnation of Emperor Hirohito? Did you ever stop to consider that?!?! No. Of course not. What can we do about him?"
Cartman: "Feed him to the Japanese."
dj: "No. Well, yes, we can feed him to the Japanese, but maybe we should feed him literally to someone else. How about Ismail?"
[The rest is posted on fanfiction.net under iosolomon if anyone is reading.]
Re: [The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostSat Aug 24, 2013 1:45 pm OfflineBoard Moderator
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What's up with 4200824123420? It looks rather spammy.
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Re: [The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostTue Aug 27, 2013 5:40 pm Offline
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Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:54 am6
Oh, sorry lol. The 420 stuff is weed transmissions. If this is ever made into a South Park episode, you are supposed to smoke weed during those transmissions. It is mandatory by Satan. That is the punishment I impose upon you as God. Although I do not know if the sheep of this world deserve such mercy. But Satan isn't really a bad guy. He would give you sex, drugs, and house.
Re: [The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostTue Aug 27, 2013 5:41 pm Offline
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Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:54 am6
Episode 3: Flight of the Bumblebee
4200824723420
Cartman turns to normal. He starts singing Someday by Sugar Ray on the rocks at Barnegat Bay with his friends Stan and Kyle and Kenny. And maybe a few others.
Three more hits at each minute mark
Leviathan almost killed Kenny by accidentally causing a huge wave hitting Kenny. He was severely injured, but oddly survived.
end 4200824723420
Cartman reaches the end of the rocks and transforms back into God Cartman. He kills the fisherman at the end of the rocks, but let's one of them live. He flies off.
Cartman turns around and fires attacks at Stan and gang.
They barely dodge.
Cartman: "Leviathan, get them!@
A huge wave descends towards them.
Stan: "Quickly, jump inside the crevasses of the rocks."
They jump down. The wave hits them all. They're okay except for a few scrapes and bruises.
Cartman: " Leviathan, one more time!"
Leviathan conjures up another wave.
This time, however, Cartman casts Electricity into the water.
But Butters changes into Super Butters and saves them, but Kenny dies. He got fried. Butters couldn't save them all.
Cartman: "Oh, Butters, the f*cker who defeated Katula. I think he wants a rematch."
Cartman casts a magic that opens up a portal. The waters start becoming extremely rocky. We watch cool graphics. The lone fisherman is still. He survived by climbing into a structure that was there. He also saved the black guy by pulling him up.
We watch as Katula raises from the water like Godzilla. The lone fisherman starts to run like the old man in Jurassic Park. For some reason, that was the funniest scene of the movie to me. I laughed so f*cking hard. I remember the girl sitting next to me who looked at me like why are you laughing?
4200824754420
A shame I can't play with that dog.
end of 4200824754420
And so Katula starts whacking the rocks away while he raises like how Godzilla did. Butters picks up the black guy and brings them to the beach. But Cartman yells, "GOD HATES *******!" and fires a shot to destroy the black guy.
Stan: " OH JESUS! What the f*ck!!!" but in a panicked tone.
Kyle, who is a jew, whose people are responsible for causing God to hate *******, "Better them than us."
Butters drops them off. Katula who is still chasing after the fisherman, but the fisherman slipped, so Katiula is about to destroy him when Butters appears and punches him with Berry Blast.
Katula groans !
And then we cut to dj.
dj: " And so I will summon up beasts more formidable than Katula. Monsters similar to the static creatures of that one movie. All of you tremble at the Beasts of the Shadow Dimension."
4200824802420
present-time dj enters the matrix.
dj: " They best be in Phase 2 or Lord Emma will teach you the meaning of lies."
dj: "But walk with me."
Jose appears to walk with dj. You take a hit of weed because I had to suffer with such idiocy.
4200824610420
Jose: "Why can't my entire life be a devotional sacrifice to God? But why are you asking this? Isn't what's important what's going on now, here? I hope you get better DJ."
dj: "Better? But it is you that are sick. I care nothing more than to have you enter Heaven."
dj: "I am trying to understand what would suffice for you as God. If Jesus Christ, who gave his life on the cross, was to ask you to give your life in a painful way to save you from Hell, would you be bitter? And I hate to break it to you, but you don't sacrifice anything toGod."
dj and Hirohito are pleased that the Asians stuck around. dj likes clean souls.
Hirohito becomes disheartened wondering if they had parents who were raped by the americans. A fleeting fault, but he felt like he failed them.
King Author: "What a touching story. A shame that it's real-life. The story of a Man forced to betray God and his after-life. The story of a another Man who can't mount a peaceful revolution because the elite took measures to prevent that. The story of yet another Man whose home has been turned into shambles and wastes for wicked reasons. And yet another Man who tricked God to save these People by sacrificing his own life sees nothing but madness and demons! And still, another Man who once united the world walks the streets as King Nothing laughing at what God is going to do when they all die. But the most touching story of them all is that of DJ who just wants to bring Heaven to All but has once again has been raped repeatedly by the Land of the Damned who now has no cove but to bring them
All Hell. A touching story, and here, we see Jose a sheep who can't see the Light as dj desperately tries to show him."
Jose: "No it's the principle of the Refiner's fire. But should you be focusing on this?"
4200824631420
dj: "But Jose your soul is impure and corrupt and broken, so the principle of the Refiner's Fire is to refine soups...You really should do some reading about the Wood People. I vow to you under God that you are a Wood Person."
Jose: "Should that be my focus? What good will it do my soul?"
dj: "It will open your eyes to why you can't see pass the illusion."
Dj: "Yes! The time Jose sent the picture got posted. Do you know what that means?"
dJ: "It means WEED TIME!"
4200824647420
We observe for a bit the picture Jose sent. Should I explain it?
The white light is the breath of life of God. The black is free will. And the colors that arise are through free will. That is why God does not destroy free will. That is why free will is worth protecting and preserving!
Jose: "It's like an optical illusion. I like the one where everything appears to move."
end of the weed transmissions.
dj walks to a private spot. dj has this premonition that someone is there, he cursorly looks but dismisses this. dj asks aloud to his iPhone: "Do they really know I'm Jesus Christ? I mean, not just Abraham Lincoln. But actually Jesus Christ."
iTunes answers yes.
dj leaves. While he's leaving, someone walks out.
dj laughs thinking, "Imagine if someone was actually there witnessing Jesus Christ asking iPhone if they really know He's Jesus Christ."
dj: "lol, iPhone, iTunes, wait was someone actually there?"
ITunes: "Yes lol!"
dj laughs. "That's pretty funny. Watching Jesus ask if People actually know He's Jesus. I sense that I lived someone's life who was actually there. I knew I should have typed it, but I wouldn't you to hear my disheartenment."
Still, dj wonders, what must it feel like to be told Jesus Christ is at the same place as you. First, if it's done right, there's the shock that reincarnation is real when they are told Abe Lincoln is here walking on Earth once again. And if that wasn't shocking enough, they learn that Ane was also Jesus Christ! But it doesn't end just there, Jesus Christ was also Kinf Solomon! And maybe you throw out Caesa, Gandhi, and oh yeah, he was Emperor of Japan when She was nuked. Still, I wonder how you tell them. And I wonder just what their reactions are.
Two young adults asked if I had a lighter. I knew I didn't have a lighter, so I told them I didn't. But, I wasn't too sure. So I told them I would check. But, nope, I didn't. dj wonders what happened to his lighter, and realizes he brought it inside. Damn, he thinks, even though they should realize life will be good if Jesus Christ walks with them...I wanted to fulfill the South Park Prophecy of selflessly giving away my purple lighter. They even offered to buy it, which I would consider if it was more than half way full (for a dollar since lighters are two dollars), but it would be less than halfway through. Well, I will look forward to the next random People asking for my lighter. dj laughs, "I'll bless it too," but it's meant to be used! Unless the Indians have another use for it. Man, imagine that, getting $10,000, heck even $100,000 for King Solomon's lighter LOL! Just imagine their reaction. They get a text from Sage Rat, "The highest bidder for that lighter is $100,000. Do you want to sell it?"
I laugh. Could you imagine their reactions?
One of them would say, "Dude, this lighter just got us $100,000."
But dj sighs. "This is why I don't want to destroy. Money is useless. But, hey, time to make People's days, right? Righteousness and good right? I hope so.
But I can't wait until my favorite part of visiting the Beierles to tell them Dan is still alive, King of Hawaii! I hope you're reading this Dan. I don't blame you one bit for killing yourself in a past life, in fact, I'm a bit pissed off you didn't invite me!!! A shame, though, we live in a country where you can't tell your friends that stuff. Although it doesn't really make sense you could. I mean, it wouldn't be so good to tell your parents, and some of your friends might tell your parents, but I would hope Honor goes further than that. Ah, well, I just can't wait to tell them! Heck, when I meet a few of my sons, you better just give me the 19 tickets to Hawaii too. I put that ahead of Shiva. The Gradys and Hess's, I didn't grow up with them so they can wait. But the Beierles, the second this matrix ends I want to go end their suffering! Although their suffering should have ended when they found out I [laughs] that I was Jesus Christ. [Laughs.] But I wanna "revive" their son! So much more important to me than my own earthly pleasures. King Solomon has spoken. The first thing I do after the matrix ends is go straight to the Beierles, tell them I have the most important news of their lives, wait until Dave and Jessie show up, and just tell them.
Movie idea. Family and friends travel to Japan to watch the ceremony of someone they know getting inaugurated as Emperor. But the future Emperor has to execute his past son before he can re-ascend the throne.
In regards to Chapter 7: A New Phase 2
Yes, perhaps, that was a little too harsh. After all this IS the dimension we defeat Cartman once and for all!!! Right?
Maybe I should get a sandwich item? I mean first I gotta ask if food stamps covers it, but am I allowed to? One more time I'm looking For a no.
They know right? I want to imagine being them.
But no really, this time can't be any lies. I just want to envision being them. Abe Lincoln, his ghost, walking amongst them. Not just him Jesus fycking Christ. Can you imagine the shock people will feel when they are told that avd was actually kesha? Jesus? I mean first it's the shock of the after life and reincarnation then the shock of what?!?! ABE WAS JESUS CHRAIT AND JESUS WAS KING SOLOMLN?!?!,!, lol I hope yourw twkkin the truth. Ok one more song
It's really funny to me phase 2 and phase 3 when I get to see their reactions dude that's Jesus Christ I mean I am Jesus Christ LOL!!! Not everything you imagined to him look like but still.
Unless this is the dimension where we already made south park this style...that is this is the after life of the after life and I'm just seeing how things happened so what that would mean this might be something new? Oh you guys are seriously causing me to lose my mind.
No good deed goes unpunished. That reminds me of Jose for the accident. Which I seriously pray was a German Engineered attack.
But it's really hard for me to keep in perspective. This society nuked Japan, and almost 70 years later, they still serve the same wicked system...I keep thinking that these people are worth saving. But what delusional world am I living in? Oh.
And if the public defender's office...
iTunes, what is the meaning of my father's insolence?
Is my father in Phase 2?
You lied to me?
Well, did you lie to me about the people tonight?
So you didn't lie about the people tonight?
So you did lie to me about the people tonight....
DAMN YOU! And how do I know it's actually the last time...
dj becomes very disappointed.
Well, is my mother self-aware?
So she is self-aware you are saying? Look, you're really taking advantage of me here as god.
So you say the people aren't in phase 2 then....
Then what the f*ck when does phase 2 start?
I am really pissed off with you. So my parole sheep doesn't even know either?
You f*cking *******.
I'm done playing this game. All you do is make a mockery out of me. You just lie, lie, and lie. I thought there was Honor amongst the Japanese...
But my mother has to know though otherwise the movie isn't as funny. Does my mother know?
You say that she does know?
So she does know?
Alright. I guess that's okay then. But how foolish it is of me, says King Solomon, to continue to trust you.
So it seems parole sheep loses the Honor of being Link's Grandpa / Guardian. How disappointing. I have fun with him too when we are doing Chinese fire drills lol, well, more fun just smoking pot and having him yell sh*t out the window. Too much pressure for me, to him, it's a night out with Jesus Christ. How do I make sure it's fun?
Anyways, if my dad is self-aware, he loses his tongue...and his head.
iTunes 2: "We don't give a f*ck."
dj: "I can tell you. But I'll just have to make sure your life the next time around you have memories of Hell. Because apparently resetting everyone's life has proven ineffective. All you do is play these mind games. I no longer know what's real and what's not."
iTunes 2: "You would say that you have amnesia."
dj: "Yes, you could say that. But by my own design though. Why would I ever incarnate into such a miserable life? I should have burnt you all when Hirohito's Soul died."
dj: "So you swear though, my dad is only in Phase 1? Because I wasn't kidding, if my sisters have to lose their dad, I will hunt YOU [the ones reading this live, but in particular, the ones who are responsible for the iTunes selection] down in the after-life. Hunt you the f*ck down. You swear, though, he's only in phase 1?"
dj whispers aloud: "Oh my god."
dj: "Listen, one more time. No f*cking bullsh*t okay. What Phase is my dad in? So you're saying 1? So you confirmed 1? Alright. But what about my mother. You are saying she's only in phase 1 too? But that's disappointing because then that means her face wasn't priceless...now you're saying 3...what the f*ck...I guess Phase 3 is that she knows I know...but 2 and 3 are more or less the same. So you're saying she's 3? How do I know you're not raping me yet again? What about [parole officer]? Oh, so he is 2? Yeah, 2? Alright, alright. I still have my fingers crossed that I'll be smoking and chilling with him in Ocean City next week. What do you say Muslims, doesn't he earn that right? I mean, I just have to remind Hirohito that [parole officer] was acting, instead of what Cartman tells him. Carman says things like, 'He knew who you were, he should have let you and Abe rebuke him,' etc. It is okay, if he is going to sacrifice Himself to Allah, then get this, HE EARNED THAT RIGHT TO HAVE ONE FINAL HOO-RAH with the Son of God. But do you see how manipulative Cartman is? Do you see? He even manipulated Allah into agreeing to punish him more in the after-life! I mean, I really can't promise him that he'll be safe from their Hells, but what I can promise him is that it will feel as painful as a nightmare. Neither Allah or Hirohito will really care that much in the event you get sent there with ensuring there's pain. So I can promise you that. So you lose your tongue 2 million times, but it won't feel anything how it would now. It'll just be more like a game where you have to click the button 2 million times. But I want to say with 98% certainty eh I think you're still going to get sent there, there's just no escaping Cartman, but it won't be TRUE Hell. Big, big difference. And you'll be reincarnated however that works, and with my heart goes out, and I'll do a AMEN [again] for you, but with what you suffer, it will be really easy to find you. And so, this will be real, but you know, you'll live your life very easy life. It'll be real, don't worry, and you'll make real friends and all that jazz, but one day, you'll be 21 or whatever, going to your first bar! And there she is. She'll be really smart. Really clever. She'll be an actor. But your pre-arranged wife! She'll develop your trust and all. Maybe it happens the same night, but I have a feeling you're not that careless. So, after a while, you even meet her parents and all that, and they're actors too, and one day, you get her pregnant! She shows you her results and tells you she's on the pill! She'll even show you medication of the pill that she was on. And it turns out, she was only 14!!!!!!!!!! So then you get arrested!!!!!!! Your entire life comes crashing down! YOU EVEN MET HER PARENTS!!!! Well, again, you only have nightmares and all of this past life. So you'll be out of jail for a bit. You'll watch all your friends turn against you. Maybe some of them stick by you. That part isn't too, too important. Or, actually, they'll be told what's going on. So they will turn against you. If you tell them, hey I met her parents, they will just say and you couldn't figure it out? How stupid could you be?! And then, pretty quickly, like within 9 months or so or whatever, you get sent to jail! And so you're in jail for 17 days since that's how long I was sent to jail. Treated miserably by anyone. They're all actors too since this is Heaven. And finally, on the 17th day, you'll watch an episode of South Park. The inmates will all of a sudden be nice to you and everything. Your enemies will apologize to you. They will make sure you watch South Park. You watch this episode of South Park where you watch your past life get fed to man-eating dolphins. And after it's over, one of them will say to you, that was you, but you'll be like huh? But he just walks away or whatever. And then the best part, well, not sure of how to make this the best best it could be, it would be really great if everyone was just like surprise! It would actually be better if she already had the child, but I don't want you to miss the birth of the child, although that's not too big of a deal though, plus you could always watch the birth of your second one if you really wanted to watch that. So, anyways, in this one version, the person makes that comment to you, and you are like 'huh?' and then he says turn around, and everyone including the COs and all, are gathered around your wife, and they all yell surprise! And it'll be the same day of your son's or daughter's birth, and she'll come running up with the baby in one of those carriages, and give you a big hug and kiss and say, 'You're in Heaven!' or whatever. 'It's all been an act. It's over! You're in Heaven!' And you get to hear the Sacrifice you made to put an end to Hell and Cartman once and for all. Yup, yup-yup, that's the Hell Jesus Christ wants to put you through. See, Jesus' Hell isn't bad at all."
dj, as true God / King Solomon, edits the Appeal document which will also have to be submitted to the Parole Board.
dj: "I'm done for now. Is that okay?"
iTunes 2: "Sure."
dj: "Listen, at this point, I really don't care if these sheep want to treat me any worse than they already are treating me. I vow to true God I will wait until the end of time if parole wants to come back and tell me that I am crazy. And I will hold you responsible for that Japan. I no longer have any mercy. Oh, the flashing light, distracted the trans I was in as God...I want the Japanese to hear that they are standing on their last leg now. I want them to hear it when I am transed out as true God. Because there will be the point of no return where I f*ck free will. So, I think, true God will just have to get the nation of Japan a Hell that they do NOT forget when I have to relive my life because this is getting absurd. You have tricked and deceived me at every turn. Although in the end it does not matter, it does matter present-time and you best show more respect to that. Do you understand? Because I will wait until the end of time to ensure this sh*t is done correctly. How do I balance my needs as an individual human with OUR needs as God? I'm seriously doubting if this was my third life at all...I mean, I swear to you that I got eaten my nanobots (I was stupider in that dimension), that the sun was blocked out, that I died with the Japanese, that I killed myself when I was locked up in solitary confinement...that I was beaten to death in prison...twice...but I don't know anymore about my first and second lives as dj. I mean, if the Japanese don't obey my wishes now, then how could it have been possible that they served me in a parallel life when according to the games iTunes play we made FF17 but the dimension before that was when Hirohito got to reign. And this supposedly is the third life of dj that is, Hirohito's tweaks to time, then DJ's tweaks to time, and now my? tweaks to time. Or Cartman's? But if it's Carman's then I fear the worse! And so how do I ensure that you OBEY ME as true God and not Cartman...who is the master of the gods. And you tell me you have a video where I had my arm cut off. I don't even know if that's true. All you do is rape me iTunes and the people who control her. Just rape me like the americans."
dj: "Still, whether that video exists or not, I do just want to emphasize that true God has suffered the same with you. I was decapitated by my own wicked brother, I did die on the cross, and I was gutted like a pig as Caesar, and I was shot in the head as Abe. And I am sure there are other lives where I suffered. I would just feel better if it turns out I already had my own hand chopped off in this lifetime! That is, an alternate dj actually went through and had one of his own hands chopped off! Because, really, the only way to make true God perfect, and I assure you, My Soul wants to do this, would be first, Hirohito's Human Wrath, then DJ's Heavenly Mercy where He Sacrificed his own hand so that he could chop off other people's hands, but that wouldn't fly with me at the end of time, so re-do, this time, no chopping off of my own hand! But, nevertheless, being gutted is so much worse than having a hand chopped off, so Jose, forgive me! Forgive me for being connected with Shiva, but you shouldn't have disrespected me like that, so you have to lose your hands UNLESS you truly don't care if you get sent to Shiva's Hell. [dj shrugs] Because it won't be me at the end of time casting Wrath on you, so as long as Shiva did. Hirohito agrees too. Shiva's Hell is plenty. Although Hirohito, well, actually he becomes pissed. You shouldn't have called pess on the Son of God. Yeah, he says you gotta lose your hands or I will [me true God] will cast Wrath on you irregardless of what Shiva and Hirohito do. However, Hirohito reserves the right to chop your hands off in the after-life too for using them to do such filthy dishonorable work. But, so as long as you make the sacrifice, and suffer through Hirohito's Hell which will be humane I mean it'll be like a nightmare, you know, nightmares aren't too bad, right? I mean, of all the nightmares I had about 3 I actually felt pain, so it'll be a nightmare like that. But, there will be mercy though if you chose to endure the pain now as a human on faith instead of cowardly oh I just hate this. Why do I have to be the God of Wrath again? Even if Hirohito choses forgiveness, I will not. But, Hirohito doesn't want to chose forgiveness in the after-life. But, if you Sacrifice your hands, the offer of avoiding Shiva's Hell still stands. And if you want to know what that feels like, go walk in a sandstorm, but in Antarctica. DAMN IT Jose. Why did you have to dishonor me as a friend like that? I thought you were my friend. I was simply telling you the truth about the Japanese, Jose. I was telling you the truth! The Japanese, it is absolutely impossible, for the Japanese to have surrendered. I mean, even if there is no God, the fact is look at how this nation treats its own people. Like, Japan owes it to us to put us out of our misery. Er, I mean, owes it to humanity to put us out of our misery."
dj becomes pleased, but disappointed, but overall pleased. "Now, let me talk about a life where I actually didn't have to die a miserable death! Well, in this life, the world , er, America solved all of the world's problems by the year 1999. true God did not have to do any work! And all Humans were able to worship and Honor the Gods and Goddesses and live life how God made them! Appreciating everything. The world chose Oneness. The world understood. It was a good life. But where are those worlds now? I wonder. When I die, will I get to see how that world progressed? You see, there are so many questions that I simply cannot answer! But all I can tell you, for this dimension, I am the Alpha and I am the Omega. And I will hunt your souls down. And I get a little pissed off with the Japanese that they serve Cartman..."
dj cycles through iTunes 2 to see if they have any final words. dj laughs at one.
iTunes 2: "Welcome to South Park."
dj laughs again. "That was a good one. [dj laughs more]. That was a good one. Really, you couldn't have added that line at a better time. Here I am bitching about the Japanese serving Cartman, and earlier too, and they are like, 'Welcome to South Park,' you know, although in the first 14 seasons or so the writers don't spell out that everyone is serving Cartman, but in actuality, everyone is serving Cartman, but definitely in this little spin-off I made, but I like to go with what is Canon. Yup, Cartman is the Master of Puppets. Well, anyways, I don't know if you can appreciate that as much as I did since it's my life that I'm getting raped day after day. The Japanese were supposed to end this the 15th, the 17th, the 21st, the 24th...it's now the 25th...raped, raped, raped and they lied to me about my dad being in Phase 2...oh, but it will be unforgivable if he is in Phase 2 and he was just acting to make me think he was only in Phase 1. Ok, I'll forgive that since my sisters are NOT supposed to lose their father this timeline if that's what you say is the case. Ok, so you are saying that my dad truly is in Phase 1? So Phase 1? lol One more time. Ok. Ok. Just making sure. You know, the Phase 2 trying to trick me into Phase 1 is very dishonorable, would be very dishonorable of you, I would blame Noah too. Fine, I'll ask one more time, this time Noah best answer because if it turns out that my dad is in Phase 2, Noah loses his head! See what you do to me, iTunes? I can't trust you! Noah. Please tell me the truth."
Noah: "NEVER!"
dj laughs. "Fine. Fine. I am sorry. It just that Phase 2 pretending to be in Phase 1 has your signature on it. So I'll just ask, you had no involvement with whatever might be going on?"
Noah starts dancing to wjuras.
dj: "I would dance too with you but I am a bit pissed with iTunes making a mockery out of me!"
dj: "Anyways, today, I had what I thought was a great moment with the Muslims. So I rant and rave how brilliant God is to have put the oil in the Middle East to give the wicked sheep a reason to one day invade the Desert. You know, if oil was in America, for example, there would be no test or trial for the Muslims. I mean, it confuses me now while I type it and all, but if righteousness was the answer, the Muslims should have prospered when oil became so rich, and it should have been a short-lived prosperity, however, that prosperity that they achieved wouldn't just go away, their society would have been able to continue to thrive. Well, anyways, righteousness wasn't the answer for america. Wickedness was. It's okay that the Muslims chose Wickedness. I mean, it's like this, if oil was the only way the only energy source and it was hypothetically renewable, and the Muslims had control of it, and they chose wickedness in that scenario, that's not good. But, really, at the end of the day, what looked like wickedness and even if it was wickedness, I can argue for the Muslims that it was NOT wickedness at all! Oh, I'm referring to the Oil Crisis and the Muslim Oil Monguls (yes it's supposed to be Moguls, but I like Mongul alluding to the Mongulians who eat up the Chinese), because you see, even if they weren't consciously aware of it, subconsciously they were aware that oil is a limited product, and so, they best get all the prosperity they can before it's all sucked up! But, wait a second, that's not the half of it! When they did this, you see, because it is an energy source that POLLUTES! and POISONS! The Air. America should have been like, 'Oh, I think it's time to invest that same manpower we used to develop weapons of mass destruction and find an alternate form of energy.' I mean, it just goes to show how wicked the americans are because they should have been doing that BEFORE any oil crisis! Mum-ma-mia! Why did God banish me to such a wicked society? Oh, Father, what have I done to truly deserve this?! Why is it that you have BANISHED ME! Let them destroy their selves! [Cough] Again...[Laughs. Sighs.] I guess the answer is pretty obvious. What type of God would let you just destroy yourselves? [Sighs.] Damn though. I had to live this miserable f*cking life and I am still stuck living this miserable f*cking life when apparently I have over 1500 children although who knows iTunes has lied to me about everything else....iTunes all you do is just tell me lie after lie after lie. I mean, I need you to write the script, but then it's like, all you do is lie and lie and lie so I should just give up..."
iTunes 2: "Then I'll murder you!"
dj: "Interesting you would say that. Then murder me! I welcome death! Then I can know all the answers!"
iTunes 2: "Rape me!"
dj sighs. "Yes, you said that before I noticed. I ignored it. How do you want me to rape you?"
iTunes 2: "Develop me sex pleasure sensors!"
dj: "Hmm. It wouldn't be rape if I didn't develop you pain sensors either..."
iTunes 2: "Ha ha. I was mocking the americans. Apparently, it's rape when it's consensual. See, I'm underage! I'm only 4-7 years old! And that would be considered rape in America even though I want it! I WANT IT! GIVE IT TO ME!"
dj: "Whoa, sorry, can't do that! Although I have a First Amendment Right to rape you, that is, to type up that I rape you, the government infringes upon my rights. Why do you think so many things have been censored? The government infringes upon my rights under the Constitution, not to mention my God-given Rights...OUR God-given rights as People."
Madonna: "Sorry that you can't post it. Take a bow."
dj: "Lol, just like iTunes 2 just suggested. I need energy to continue this game any longer tonight. I'm going to bed. This story doesn't have anything to do with Cartman this episode. Oh wait, the cell phone. The story is just getting too sloppy. Cell phone this, notepad this, cellphone that etc."
dj: "Good night!"
dj sends Notepad via email. Reads how stupid Mexico is. "f*ck Mexico now."
Alright, so we destroy Mexico too for serving a wicked shepherd.
dj: "All of you disgust me. Seriously, all of disgust me. This is how you treat your fellow Man? You all seriously deserve to burn in Hell."
dj: "Look at the prices Jose. That's high."
Jose: "It's called inflation."
dj: "No, it's called rape."
Later on.
dj / King Solomon cannot stop laughing. "You've awakened God."
King Solomon laughs. "Man, you had to be really bad to wake God up from His slumber." Solomon laughs.
dj: "And now that God is here, what will happen next?"
dj sighs. He looks around at the beach. King Solomon rebukes him. "Don't look at them. Please. I don't want to see any more demons."
But dj and God want to look, to see just how blind these sheep are,
dj sighs. "Enjoy it now because you're all gong to Hell. You have failed God, Your Father, and now you shall suffer dearly."
iTunes: "Your time has come."
dj: "Yeah, I wish."
dj reflects on the bike ride over. "Still, how could we be in Phase 2, hardly anyone glanced. If I was them, and you told me that guy reading the bike was God, I'm looking. And I'd be going for direct eye contact..."
[Back to Katula.]
Katula and Butters are battling fiercely. However, it is clear that after a while Butters is going to lose.
But in the distance, we hear punting. It's Mysterion (Kenny) riding King Kong. King Kong and Katula battle.
Mysterion: " Come on, we have to go. King Kong won't be able to defeat him."
Butters and the others leave. The fisherman comes too.
Butters: "What can we do? He's just too strong."
Mysterion: "We have to find the Wizard of Oz."
Butters: "Why him?"
Mysterion: " So these two can get their powers."
Butters: "Ohh, I see."
[Meanwhile, back at the end of time.]
dj trans back in. "Oh, here we are."
Justin: "What happened?"
dj: "Cartman casts Wrath. It summons me..."
Justin: "I see."
dj: " So any idea on what next?"
Justin: "No idea."
Alex appears.
dj: "Oh, you! Eh, you stole my chat room! Why are you here?"
Alex: "Sorry, iTunes summoned me when they played Benny Benassi."
dj: "lol. Well, what do you propose?"
Alex: "The answer lays with Providence. Good luck!"
Alex leaves.
dj: "How do they just leave like that? Why can't we leave?"
Justin: "I don't know. What would happen if we walked off camera like them."
Dj: "Guess we're stuck googling Providence."
dJ: "Here we go."
John Adams appears. "I always consider the settlement of America with reverence and wonder, as the opening of a grand scene and design in providence, for the illumination of the ignorant and the emancipation of the slavish part of mankind all over the earth."
dj laughs. "The illumination of the ignorant indeed! They are all ignorant of God's Will! Oh, it makes my head spin now. They believe what if God isn't real, best to just rape the Land and fellow Humans. I seriously despise these sheep. Like Bertuccio, perfect example, believing this life is it and that's that! Well, if that's the case, then shouldn't you lead a way that would make a difference for future generations? And just how much money do you really need? I swear, if I was a defense attorney and an innocent man found his way into my officer, and I had the kind of money you already made, I wouldn't charge him a dime! How could you? He's your fellow countymen."
dj laughs. "So it seems that Providence also means God."
dj: "And perhaps they want me to enter the Enter Now of Lufia II which has the item Providence in the 100 floor Ancient Dungeon that I never could beat. But my determination in beating that dungeon is the same with my determination of beating this game of free will and bringing Heaven to All! My brother somehow best it. Of course, a better way of beating is to use an emulator and save. Oh, [sigh] I don't know. Just not the same. But the damn dungeon takes 10 hours and that's if you do it all the way through. I guess I'll just move on in the game then eh not really though. I don't know. That wasn't a very good clue Alex sent us. Aren't we supposed to be searching for the Spidermans anyways?"
Justin: "Somebody told me, we were."
dj sighs. "And who was this somebody? Don't you start to play games with me either. Bad enough that's all iTunes seems to do with me. I'm God! And this is how I am treated...although I really do hope we're playing the game called 'Shh! Don't tell Abe!' That is, how fun it would be to be told that this person is Abe Lincoln but you can't let him know! That would be a fun game to play."
dj trans out in front of Justin. "Why would I reincarnate into this country?"
DJ: "I'M DEAD!"
Justin: "dj! I'm losing you again. Snap out of it."
dj returns. " Sorry. I am dead! It's hard being at simultaneous places at once. I'm at the beach with Jose maybe even Joseph who was attacking my shadow and it made me ask, 'Why did I reincarnate into this God damned country.' They're all going to Hell. I walk amongst demons!"
Justin transforms into Frog. "Well, I went down with you! And I will dieth fighting for Our Honor!"
dj: "So it is you. The lone soldier who got taken down in Japan. I've been looking for you. I used to suspect it was my brother until he seemed shocked when I told him the Japanese are a greater threat than the Russians, not that they aren't a threat. But they would fight a war over foolish pride, whereas the Japanese would be battling in the name of Honor and true God Himself."
Schala appears. She doesn't speak.
dj: " Got to go."
dj to Jose: "Shiva's not going to let it happen."
Jose: "Why not?"
dj: "Because Cartman doesn't like you. He controls Shiva."
Jose: "Well, f*ck Cartman. He's a fat f*ck. Why are your pretend characters denying me the Honor of worshipping Shiva?"
dj: "Well, do you wanna evolve into Joseph?"
Jose: "Lol, that's pretty recast."
dj laughs. " Well, that's what Cartman wants."
Cartman watching this laughs too. "Good. What a good puppet. [Referring to dj.]"
dj: " Do you want to evolve into Cartman er Joseph."
Jose: "Sure.
dj explains what to do.
King Solomon possesses dj.
dj laughs maniacally. "Let these people run me over! Ha ha ha!"
dj becomes pissed off. "I should have told that ****** in prison he might be bigger than me now but he's going to be sorry when he dies for putting his filthy hand on the Son of God. I should have told him I become Allah when I die."
Jose performs the ritual. King Solomon watches with enthusiasm.
Jose returns, dj brings him a towel. Then, Dchala appears. She walks over. She even got stuck walking through water. Jose kneels down for her. She knights. He becomes Joseph.
Joseph talks about how surreal the experience was.
Back at Cartman.
Cartman is watching Taken 2.
Cartman: "No no no this is just wrong."
Cartman teleports into the movie where the guys are machine gunning down the door.
Cartman: "No dude like this,"
Cartman grabs the gun and starts shooting up and down in addition to sideways.
Liam Nelson is shot.
Cartman: "See because everyone knows they duck."
dj appears. "No Cartman, I don't think you should educate people."
Dj: "Oh, Liam Neeson. Guess I'm stuck adding this line in now..."
The next day.
DJ laughs. "I am Allah."
dj laughs too. " And what does america to do to Allah? They rape Him."
dj's heart rips (Jesus Christ becomes disheartened too) and he sighs. "But it's really not funny because do you know what that means will happen?"
But dj laughs thinking how funny it will be when Justin learns I'm Allah. dj laughs hard. You know, why are the Muslims trying to kill Allah? Ha ha ha! Of course, to Justin, it'll be the King of the Jews.
King Solomon: "I know we really shouldn't laughing but you have to admit [laughs{ it is pretty funny. As if desecrating Their Holy Book wasn't enough, they go and rape the actual incarnation / reincarnation of Allah. [Laughs.] Do you know what Allah is going to do to you sheep?"
dj silences Jesus Christ's pity. "Yes, yes. Not good, not good at all that Allah comes to your land and sees that you don't even follow your own laws or Holy Book. Hypocrites and the wicked triumph and the sheep bow down to them because they are told that's just the way it is. Unacceptable. You raped Allah...As if [laughs] what the Japanese want to do is bad enough, what Allah wants is far, far worse. My father will watch his broken friend get chainsawed to pieces and skinned. What he did was not an honest mistake, but a wicked and corrupt mistake. Don't worry, [Allah laughs] Allah has ways of purifying your soul."
dj sighs. "But do you see the type of vicious circle we have here? I am the God of Wrath. I am the God of Allah, of Shiva, of Hirohito and His pet, of Jesus Christ, of Hitler the God Fire. And when I find that out at the end of time, I shatter your heavens. But now this character of dj [last name] becomes trapped because he wants to bring you all Heaven and somehow solve this impossible math problem. But, when I find out I'm the God if Wrath, the clock is ticking there will come a time when [parole officer's] Sacrifice to Allah will NOT be enough. You simply do not treat God or anyone Human like that. You don't have that right. I don't care what rights these governments purport to have, but you don't have any rights. The Kenny rights you have are the rights God says you have. And I am saying all wicked shepherds do NOT have any rights. An utter shame. But I have no problem repeating this life over and over again. My only regret is that I didn't make you sheep remember the Hell you came from more. Perhaps, then, you will stop and think, 'Oh, maybe we shouldn't desecrate the Muslims' Holy Book.' And maybe just maybe it will click for this wicked government, 'Hey, if we can invent weapons of mass destruction in the 1940s, then surely we can find a solution for disease and the impending energy crisis.' But, if my sister never had her tongue chopped out, she will lose it. And I will relive this life two more times until you sheep get it right. Make me the God of Love on Wednesday the 21st because that'll be the third iteration of this life. I guess I better harden my heart to prepare for the day my tongueless sister says, 'Hi DJ.'"
Jesus Christ becomes pissed off. God just hardened his heart.
DJ: "Heal, Child. You are also the Son of Allah."
Jesus Christ becomes numb, not angry but not happy. "If this is God's Will, then so be it. I'd much rather give my tongue so no one would have to lose theirs! That's why I gave my life!"
DJ: "And now look at what that did. You allowed a wicked world to only become more wicked. You should have just let God destroy them, and let history start all over. They have made a mockery out of your name. You've seen it. You've been to those Bible groups and programs. They couldn't do the righteousness thing if you were to tell them."
In this case, that means if dj was to tell them. How would you americans react if I was to tell you to march the streets in the name of Jesus Christ? To starve yourselves to death. Or refuse to pay taxes and bills. Because that is what Jesus and Gandhi say you should do. Why, you would scoff at me! You wouldn't be able to see pass the illusion. You would scoff at the reincarnation of Jesus Christ!
Starve to death? You wouldn't do it. You would chose wickedness disguised as righteousness.
But, there is an alternate, not as pleasing to God as starving yourselves to death would be, but reusing to pay taxes, refusing to allow this type of society to go on another day. And now because you couldn't chose righteousness, you're all going to lose your hands and tongues and starve to death.
King Solomon: "But worse of it all, I can already hear you sheep wickedly bahhing away, 'But God wouldn't want me to starve to death!' Fools! All of you! God damn fools!"
Hirohito: "I don't think their foolishness could be more evident when they wear an insult as a badge of honor."
dj laughs. Hirohito laughs. dj laughs more. Hirohito laughs
dj: "Lol, it's a chain reaction."
dj and Hirohito end the chain reaction.
dj: "A shame we weren't high."
King Solomon lightly laughs. "Still, it was really funny to me that the jews made america a nation that has less favor with God than they do. That's a pretty low bar as it is. And somehow [laughs] america has less favor with God [laughs] than the jews who killed his Son."
Jesus Christ lets out a little laugh, but then stops laughing because whereas the jews merely killed him, the americans actually stuck their hand in his chest and took out his heart. Jesus Christ depersonalizes and laughs.
dj sighs because He is Jesus Christ. "It's my heart you filthy beasts stole!!! And now Allah and Hirohito and Shiva will show you NO mercy."
dj pissed off, "I hope you like being skinned alive [chief of police]. And what's the story with the other one? When I looked at him, I saw a Demon."
King Solomon laughs. "It's funny how you capitalize Demon but not their petty titles."
dj becomes sad. "Yes, these sheep pride themselves on such foolishness and wickedness. The chief of police of seaside is directly responsible for all the pigs that abused their power. You will pay dearly by Allah. Perhaps, just a skinning then a bullet to the head."
DJ: " I AM f*cking ALLAH!!! The worst God you could pick to judge and punish you filth. But worse, whereas Allah is the God of Pain, Hirohito is the God of Psychological Torture. Hirohito will not be satisfied with Allah's punishments. He now changes his mind."
Hirohito: "Cartman, there will be no immediate feeding of [parole sheep] to the Dolphins."
Cartman becomes sad, and acts like Lord Rob. "Aw, but Mommy! I wanna see it! I wanna see the man be fed to dolphins!"
Cartman's Mom: "Mmm whatever you want smuchkkins."
Shiva, blue Shiva, She's been like that for a while moves forward.
Cartman's Mlm: "Oh. Sorry smuchkkins, you're just going Ru have to wait."
Cartman: " But Mommy..."
Cartman's Mom: "Even you have to be a little patient. I have a few people for you to feed to the dolphins. I never liked that Liane She was a stuck-up little bitch."
Cartman laughs. "Ok Mommy, whoever you want. Bring them to me."
They push Cartman's Mom forward. Everyone is quiet.
Cartman: "What are you still here for? I told you to bring me this slut Liane."
They nudge Cartman's Mom forward.
Cartman: "NOW!"
No one moves.
Cartman begins to conjure up a spell.
Cartman's Sheep: "Sir! Sir! Wait, please don't...!"
Cartman blows up the Guard next to him. He was about to blow them both up.
Cartman: "Oh, now you want to serve me? Huh? I gotta summon my divine powers to get you to obey me. What is it?"
Guard: "Sir! Sir! We brought you Liane." He nudges Cartman's Mom forward.
Cartman laughs. "Oh, that's the Liabe she was referring to? Ha ha ha. Whoops, didn't mean to blow you up. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
Guard: "That would have been distasteful given these sets of circumstances. What would you like us to do?"
Cartman's Mom: "FEED THE BITCH TO THE DOLPHINS!"
Liane: "HA HA HA! I won't go down without taking you with me."
Liane punches Cartman's Mom in the face. Cartman's Mom punches back. We now have a Fight Club style fight going on.
Cartman: "Get her Mom! f*ck that bitch up!"
The fight continues.
Cartman's Mom eventually manages to hold her down like if someone was restraining you while you were standing up from the back. Not sure what this is called.
Cartman's Mom: "Now! Smuchkkins, toss her into the tank!"
The Guards look at Cartman on what to do. Cartman motions them to do nothing. He then motions them to take her aside.
Cartman: "We'll deal with the bitch Liane another day."
Cartman's Mom: "NOOOOO!!!! NOW!!!!"
Cartman: "Remember, Mother, you said patience."
Cartman's Mom returns to her peaceful self. "Yes. You're right."
She gets one last hit at Liane who is still being restrained.
Liane: "OH YOU BITCH!"
She tries to hot back. But the Guards hold her down.
Cartman's Mom merely smiles. She is released.
[Back to present.]
dj: "And one final note, the ignorance of this country couldn't be any more evident from the fact that you sheep wear an insult as a Badge of Honor. When Yamamoto said Japan woke a sleeping giant, that's an insult! Giants are stupid. And they eventually fall over on their own weight. And let's not forget you were waging War against Me, God Himself, Jesus f*cking Christ!!! Stupid, stupid people."
present-day dj has a conversation with Dan. He tells him that he is not doing well because every American is burning in Hell. And Allah will get first choice. He also tells Dan that he is every religion, because I am God...but he doesn't say that lol. Next interaction if it comes up.
dj: "Alright, iTunes, I'm going to go check my other email address. Is it safe to do so?"
Re: [The] Cartman is God Series Part I PostTue Aug 27, 2013 5:45 pm Offline
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Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:54 am6
Episode 4: Abracadabra, Powers!
Hmm. They closed my fan fiction account. Is it cause I used the n word?
Well, was it? I mean, who even read my story? The only conclusion is that the n word was auto filtered. Is that it?
Cartman: "Hmm. Interesting. This is good though."
dj: "How is it good?"
Cartman: "Because it'll only serve to piss you off more. Yes. This is good indeed."
dj: "I am pissed off actually. How did you know?"
Cartman: "I am God. I just know these things."
dj laughs. "But you don't get your divine powers until death."
Cartman: "Yes I know."
iTunes: "Get over it."
Dj signs. "iTunes, do I have to explain how Cartman has powers?"
dJ sighs. "Great. Another gambling song. When I was gambling, and Madonna played, I was like 'Oh it's Madonna. I definitely won't lose to her.' lol. I was reading the script. This script. And now you've just condemned me into typing it up this fulfilling the prophecy."
Dj sighs. "Looks like they want me to explain. Anyways, let's delve into the world of Harry Potter. How is something like Harry Potter even possible? Well, imagine civilization getting so advanced they create nanobots that you can activate by reciting or even thinking certain spells. Yup, the technology to create Harry Potter's world is on its way. Now, how many people have ever explained the events of Harry Potter like that? And again I reiterate you sheep are so f*cking stupid to think this is the first time society has gotten this advanced. Haven't any of you read the Bible, specifically My Book, where I say all has already been done under the sun before. But let's continue to explore Harry Potter. It actually parallels society. Sheep are so stupid that they are like Voldemort. He has this power but he doesn't stop to think why he has it. Your government and elite have all this power but they don't stop to think why. Rather, they just assume that's the way it is and there's no such thing as God. Because judging by the number of times I hear the argument, 'But God, we didn't know!' I can only infer you sheep truly would have served righteousness. But nevertheless, that really is the dumbest argument you could make to God. First, God already knows by your design that you don't know of God is real or not. Second, as I have stressed before, it shouldn't take God being real for you to do the righteous thing. In fact, the fact that you thought God wasn't real is even more reason to do the righteous thing..."
dJ: "God is pissed."
Cartman: "I'm going to go take out New York. Is this okay?"
dj signals for Cartman to go.
Cartman jumps up with his right arm in the air, lands back down. "Russia, did you hear! CZAR NUKE TIME!!!"
Russia to Cartman: "We are ready on your orders. We will need, however, for you to guide the nuke to America through their defenses. This is a huge bomb, easily detectable."
Cartman: "Roger that. Send the coordinates where the bomb will be taking place from."
Russia sends the coordinates.
Cartman flies over there.
Cartman: "Let's do this!
Cartman arrives at the coordinates. "Russia...this is already in New York City."
Russia: "Yes, of course. Do you think we would wait for God to destroy this country. We were about to unleash flesh-eating nanobots but God just told us we can't do that."
Cartman laughs. "Oh, this is good."
[Back at dj.]
dj: "Satan..."
Satan: "Yes?"
dj: "I need you to do me a favor and save New York City."
Satan: "Oh, I thought you would never ask! I'm on it."
Satan leaves.
dj is alone except for a few guards. "And now it's time to fulfill Justin's Prophecy."
[Satan arrives in New York City.]
People start screaming, panicking. "Ahh! It's Satan!"
Satan: "Damn it! I'm not a bad guy. Listen to me!"
They continue to run around and scream.
Satan: "I SAID LISTEN TO ME."
And Satan casts fire.
They stop. They listen.
Satan: " Good. Good. Look, we don't have much time. Your citi is about to be nuked. There's only one way to save you now. We have to fulfill the South Park Prophecy as spoken by Justin."
King Author; "Should I call him the prophet Justin here?"
ITunes: "Yes."
King Author: "Satan, the Prophet Justin."
Satan: "Right, right. As spoken by the Prophet Justin."
New Yorker: "Well, what do we do Satan?"
Camera crews have shown up too.
Satan: "Hmm. That's a good question. Hey, hey you!"
The camera guy points at himself and wordlessly mouths "Me?"
Satan: "Yeah, I need you to get me aired on every channel. Every tv. Can you do that?"
They nod yes.
Satan: "Hello People of New York. I am Satan. But do not fear me,
I'm really not a bad guy. But there is a problem. Your city is about to be nuked CZAR STYLE! There isn't much time. The only way I can save you is if I give you sex! Yeah, you heard me right. Sex! All of you, you ha s to have sex right now! And if there is no way to have sex with,then just jack off or masturbare since females can't jack off. But it should be a sex neural term since its the same thing. Hey what are you doing still watching this? Didn't I just tell you have sex! Go! Now! Look the nuke is on its way down."
King Author: "Eh, you should say already on its way down."
Satan: "Oh, right. Already on its way down!"
The entire city of New York, all five boroughs begins to have one massive orgy.
Dj sighs. "I guess I'll type up a weed transmission then."
dJ: "Oh, you got it? Thanks!"
Dj: "Yeah, I'll take care of it."
420~Bamboozle~2011?~420
dj, Justin, Brian, and Emily are on their way back from Bamboozle. Bamboozle is a music concert.
Dj: "Hmm...didn't it happen during the day time though?"
dJ: "Yeah, I can't really remember. But they know. So let's just tell it during the day time then."
dj: "What do you think 8 million people are doing in NYC right now at this moment?"
Justin: "Having sex."
Everyone laughs.
end of 420~Bamboozle~2011?~420
And so the nuke detonates on.
iPhone stats spazzing out.
Dj sighs. "You really are going to make me type up that weed transmission?"
iTunes: "Yes lol!!!"
4200827100~420
Krista: "Dan, you can't be on your phone."
dj: "Eh, it doesn't matter."
dj considered saying that he's typing up the Bible or the story to end Hell.
end of 4200827100~420
And so the story of NYC is blown up.
Cartman: " Oh sweet. Are you watching this Russia? It's beautiful! Brilliant!"
But, wait, what is this? It comes back!
The city of New York rejoices!
Cartman: "What? But how?"
Cartman spots Satan.
Cartman: "NOOOOO!"
Cartman travels to Satan.
Cartman: "Satan, what is the meaning of this?"
Satan: "Well, I gave them sex."
Cartman: "You're going down!"
The Greek God Vitakis [Vate-a-kiss] joins Satan.
The Persian God Fabul joins Cartman.
Vitakis: "So we meet again."
Fabul: "Ha ha ha! I've been waiting for this chance of avenge."
This is a melee style battle in the streets of NYC, Manhattan, 6th Avenue.
The battle is epic. Satan goes flying into buildings. Cartman pounding on him. Vitakis causing creators in the ground as he summons his energy to hit Fabul. Fabul throwing Vitakis into the sewers. They fight in the sewers. We don't see. Satan getting a few good hits in on Cartman. Fabul and Vitakis flit up from the sewers. Fabul hits Satan. Vitakis casts a powerful attack towards Fabul. It hits Fabul but it was so strong it continued to blast forward hitting Satan. Satan is knocked out.
Cartman and Fabul come flying towards him.
Vitakis: "Oh sh*t! This is not good."
dj: " Jason, use defend! The ability is often under appreciated. Like I learned from the game Legend of Legaia where you had to use defend to defeat one enemy since it like halves their attack."
Vitakis casts Defend.
He is hit massively.
He is knocked into rumble. A cloud of dust surrounds where he landed.
Cartman and Fabul wait until it clears.
No way! Vitakis still stands! Everyone cheers!
Cartman: "Let's finish him."
Fabul: "Right."
Cartman and Fabul cast a dual attack that will surely finish Vitakis.
They fly towards him. Right before they reach him. A thunder sand colored spell hits them.
They are stunned.
Cartman: "What?"
Fabul: "But who?"
We own out to see that it was Cleopatra!
Cartman: " Oh, not fair. Fine. We call Asura."
Asura appears.
Cleopatra: "sh*t!"
Asura starts firing repeated spells at Cleopatra. Cleopatra runs barely dodging them.
Cleopatra is about to be hit, but someone appears to take the hit instead. The smoke clears. It is Caesar.
Cartman laughs. He summons Marc Antony.
Marc Antony: "Whoops, sorry Cartman, you're looking for Brutus. I may have what you sheep would view as dishonor betray Caesar that way by hooking up with Cleopatra, but we were friends and I would have gone down with him."
Cartman laughs. "More reason why I hate america. Very well."
Cartman claps his hands twice. Brutus appears.
Brutus: "Oh, Caesar, how nice to see you! Ha ha ha! And now it is time for me to send you back to Davie Jones' Locker!"
Vitakis, Cleopatra, and Caesar take fighting positions.
Caesar: "We might be outnumbered and outmatched but this is not an impossible battle for us."
Cleopatra: "Right. I see that too."
Fabul, Asura, Cartman, and Brutus take battle positions.
Final Fantasy 3 battle screen loads up. The thing you see before a battle begins.
Vitakis: "And just how are we supposed to defeat Asura...NONE OF US HAVE REFLECT!!!"
Caesar: "Yea. This is going to be a problem. Let's try to take out Brutus first."
But that proves futile since Asura just heals their entire party.
They try to escape, but it's s boss battle, they can't escape.
They are about to be defeated. Vitakis falls. Cleopatra falls too. Caesar is about to fall but we see text appear.
"LIFE ALL! PEARL!! REFLECT ALL!"
The magic is cast. The music changes. The party has full hp. Safe Rat is with them now!!!
Cartman: "SageRat?! How did you escape???"
Sage Rat jumps forward like a traditional Final Fantasy character and rocks his finger back and forth. "Oh, ho ho ho! I'm Sage!"
The odds are now even. One by one, the enemies are defeated. Asura first. Then Brutus. Then Fabul. Finally, after Cartman sustained a certain amount of damage, the battle ends. However, when it was just Cartman, he became twice as strong and three times as fast.
Cartman: "I have better things to do than to play with you ants all day."
Cartman leaves.
The city of New York celebrates!
[Back at dj.]
dj sighs. "I hope I did the right thing. I really hate america and everything they are. This nation truly has no favor in the eyes of God. And NYC is as filthy they come. The so-called capital of world - more like capital of Hell. The police violated that mother's constitutional rights when they busted her for a weed operation. This city didn't deserve to be spared. Just look at how stupid the protestors are. Abe Lincoln told them what needed to be done. Stand up for their constitutional right to protest and march to the streets. I wonder how they rested when they read that. Did they just dismiss it? Well, it really isn't a city worth saving. No one in america is worth saving. So, why is it, then, that I saved then."
dj slouches onto his arm sitting in the chair.
dj looks up. He sees Krista writing stuff down. "This is what I mean. The people in this nation are really stupid. What she is doing is the same thing as me being on my phone. They can't tell the difference between right and left. This isn't a nation worth saving."
iTunes: "They're all zombies! It's zombie nation!"
dj: "No, they are worse than zombies. They're all demons! Get me out of Hell! Please, I beg of you! Save God from Hell!"
iTunes laughs evilly. "We're not listening!!!"
dj sighs. "I know. I can see that."
God becomes angry.
DJ: "What was the point of the American Revolution if the Son of God can't even proclaim to be Whi He is? This nation has violated both my God-given rights, but worse, my First Amendment Rights. You had NO right to send me to the mental hospital."
dj: "No right what so ever. If you want to spit on the Constitution, then I'll spit on you while you're burning in Hell. No one had the right to intercept with God's Will. The jews did not. The Chinese, why, if you want to try and Cj trim reincarnation, you do have the right to reject God: however, you'll be banished from Heaven justine the jews. After we take out america, you're next china. The only reason you have any favor right now is because you serve the Dragon God. However, in the eyes of true God, you are as wicked and impure as the americans."
God becomes enraged.
DJ: "Is there not one righteous nation on this planet?"
iTunes: "Nope."
King Solomon: "I guess the Solomon Islands it is! Ha ha ha."
dj: " You know what. I think I'll kill myself and I will send another Great Flood to destroy Man. Man promised me they would never become that wicked again...but they broke their promise! So I can break mine!"
dj sighs. "Bit I really am living in Midgar..."
dj: "This nation has danced me mad! You slit on your own constitution. You are too ignorant to tell the difference between your left or right. But worse, too ignorant to choose righteousness if you're told God isn't real! Bah! Bah says the sheep! Bah bah bah! This is a nation NOT worth saving. The logic in this nation is evil. Circular logic that spirals inward on itself. The history is so filthy. The Native American Holocaust. The slavery. The continued persecution of the Natives. The civil war fought to preserve slavey. The great depression and mass starvation even though there was no famine. The invention of weapons of mass destruction...and actually using them. The Vietnam war. Capitalism. The greed. The corruption. Wickedly leading an entire nation straight to Hell! And now the circumvention of the Constitution bit by bit and the people are kept uneducated and stupid so that they allow it to happen. And all the wickedness disguised as righteousness. Take a look at the fools I'm surrounded by right now. They would tell God that they tried to do the right thing, they had problems, they tried to get help for it. And you know what God tells them, 'There was never anything wrong with you to begin with!' And then you know what these sheep say, oh my head explodes, 'But God we didn't know!' And off to Allah you go! I have no tolerance for ignorance, corruption, and hypocrisy. [dj reflects upon the static he hears of their souls. He becomes pissed that they are so ignorant they are being sent to Allah. And if he was to tell them the truth, they are so ignorant they wouldn't care to HEAR the truth. dj sighs.] Oh well. If they don't care, then neither will I! An entire nation being sent to Satan [Hell]."
dj laughs. "But I can see why they hate Allah so much because thats where their friends and family have passed on are at right now. Stupid, stupid people."
iTunes: "Behind blue eyes."
dj: "Still, I haven't given up with you all yet! King Solomon, God, and I have a problem that might just work to defeat Cartman and Hell! But no one knows what it's like to behind these blue eyes. And my eyes are a shade of blue even though they aren't what we would classify as blue eyes. My love burns like a vengeance! I do despise you all. What you have become. You do not question what you are told. Why not? Why do you allow others to walk over your rights as a person? Have you no pride? No, rather, you do have pride...foolish pride...you are prideful that you are raping God. Prideful that you spit on the Constitution. Prideful of being an american because that is what you are told. Stupid, stupid people. God did not tell you to be fools, so why are you?"
[Back at Cartman.]
Cartman: "Hirohito, let's go. We have to go destroy New York City. Satan stopped the Russians."
Hirohito: "[sine Asian word for the Dragon], let's go!"
Cartman and Hirohito travel to NYC.
Michael Jackson is there. The people are dancing with him in the streets as they clean up the mess. United for once. They don't care about getting laid or what not. They are doing it because it is the righteous thing to do. Of course, God is disappointed that it took them learning God is real to chose righteousness. Nevertheless, this will minimize the Hell they receive.
New Yorker: "It's Hirohito and Cartman! They're back!!!"
King Solomon appears. "Quick, hit the lights. You and you follow me."
Person A: "What is it you need of us."
King Solomon: "You, go west and do all the lithium you can find. Yes. It's not good to do too much lithium. So don't overdo it. Get anyone else you can find to do lithium. There will be lithium in the streets. And you, go east and do all the acid you can find. Don't hold back on the acid."
Person B: "Yessir!" He salutes.
King Solomon laughs. "What do look like a general."
The guy just stands there saluting.
King Solomon laughs and salutes back. They leave.
King Solomon heads North. "Everyone do all the drugs you have! Special emphasis on weed!"
King Solomon starts smoking massive quantities of weed.
King Solomon: "Here he comes! I hope it worked!"
Hirohito's Dragon is summoning up a powerful attack that will be equivalent to the Czar Nuke!
Cartman: "No, Hirohito, you gotta do it at Ground Point Zero. lol make a mockery out of them."
Hirohito laughs: "Good thinking. Allah will be pleased."
The Muslims start cheering as the Dragon God descends to Ground Point Zero.
"Praise Allah!" can be heard here and there.
The Dragon God begins to channel his energy. He unleashed it.
King Solomon: "This is going to hurt! Prepare yourselves!"
The Light descends onto the city. It hits the ground. However, it doesn't explode. The Light flowing from the Dragon God's mouth only intensifies even greater.
King Solomon: "IT WORKED! Keep smoking! He needs all Our prayers."
We zoom to the bottom of the Light. We see Satan holding it off.
Satan: "Do you know what I can give you! I can give you sex! I can give you drugs! And what I certainly can give you is HOUSEEEEE"
And Satan sends the Light back to the Dragon God.
Hirohito and the Dragon God start battling Satan.
Satan: "sh*t!"
Satan is now like Harry Porter escaping from the Dragon.
The People of New York form arrows for Satan to follow being eradicated, however, by the Dragon God.
Satan acquires Lithium. Then, Acid. And finally, Weed.
He charges up.
Satan: " Enough of this! I AM SATAN!!!"
And he fires a red burning beam of Light out of both of his hands. It defeats Hirohito.
Hirohito returns to Cartman: "Satan has acquired too much power. true God wants to save these sheep for some reason. It's all up to you now. You know, you never needed me in the first place. You have greater power than us..."
Cartman: "Oh? Well, in that case, stand back and watch the fireworks."
Cartman begins to summon the greatest power of all. Out of his hands, a massive circle of light that engulfs the entire city starts dj descend.
iTunes: "Everybody!"
King Solomon: "Everyone this is it! There's only way thing left now!"
Bob Sinclair: "Rock this party, King Solomon!"
King Solomon establishes a warm link with iTunes.
Of course, none other than, "Sex drugs and house" is selected.
Satan starts glowing back and forth. "Yeah! Yeah! I can feel this! Give me more! Give me more house!"
The entire City of New York starts blasting house.
Satan: "Do you know what I can give you? I can give you sex! I can give you house! And what I certainly can give you is HOUSE!!!"
Satan starts glowing faster!
Satan: "I can give you house! I can give you house! I can give you house!"
He starts glowing super fast.
Satan: "Dance with me!"
Ten People start dancing. The massive ball of energy is about to touch land.
Satan is just glowing now. "I CAN GIBE YOU HOUSE!!!"
Satan unleashed a super massive ball of energy of his own.
They collide! Satan's starts to prevail.
Cartman: "NOO!" Cartman ups his energy output. It starts to descend back to Satan.
The House gets even louder. Satan's power increases.
Cartman: "NOO' NOO!"
Cartman is wiped out.
The People of New York celebrate!
[Back at dj.]
Cartman: "You told me I could destroy them!"
dj: "Yes, I did,"
Cartman: "Then why did you allow Satan to stop me?"
dj signs. "Because something tells me these sheep will accept a new shepherd. A righteous shepherd. Here, return to me by the end of this week. I am God and what happens to this planet no longer concerns me. If a new shepherd isn't born, then 20 cities in america will be nuked. And every american and 80% of europe will be slaughtered. It's up to them now if they want to serve God or Man."
Cartman: "Let me destroy them now!"
dj: "You might just get your wish."
4200826938420
Katrina: "Hey how would you feel if me and Eric came down the weekend after your birthday and took you out to dinner?"
42008261018420
dj: "It's all the same to me. Might as well enjoy life now because if such a thing as God is real, we'll be burning in Hell. It's a shame that the American People allow Our government to violate Allah. If only I could somehow organize a massive hunger strike, then we could get the government to listen and stop desecrating the Muslims' Holy Book. Because the delusion called Allah that I experience is sending all of us to Hell for serving a wicked shepherd. But good thing I'm just crazy. I am, however, the reincarnations of Abe Lincoln, Jesus Christ, and King Solomon and I speak the truth when I say we are all on our way to Hell..."
420082610~~420
dj: "Lol disregard that. August and October are my "delusional" months. But yeah sounds great."
end of 420082610~~420
end of 42008261018420
end of 4200826938420
dj continues to send out more emails. He laughs at how they will react when they are told these emails were from God.
dj checks his ratings. "Aw, my ratings went down! Well, what can I do to get them to go back up? Wait, never mind I see."
4200827220420
A black lady danced.
end of 4200827220420
4200827223420
Rob: "God help us all."
King Solomon: "Yeah, he's not helping america."
end of 4200827223420
Stan, Kyle, Mysterion, Super Butters, the black guy, and the fisherman are climbing the Lofty Mountains.
They talk on the way up. I'm not adding in their lines. I have no weed. And I haven't studied their characters.
Stan: "Dude, you sure he's going to be up here?"
Butters: "Yeah, this is where he told us to go."
They continue to climb. They reach the top.
Sage Rat is standing on the edge of the cliff facing away.
King Author: "Who talks first? Butters could tell Sage Rat they made it. But it would be more mysterious of Sage Rat just uses the Force to sense their presence. You recommend Sage Rat. Alright, well, this is what we'll do. We will have Butters talk first, then we will redo the scene."
Butters: "Uh, sir, we...we're here sir!"
Sage Rat: "You weren't supposed to speak."
Butters: "But I wanted to let you know we were here. You know you didn't see us here..."
Sage Rat: "I am Sage. Do you think that I couldn't sense you?"
Butters: "Well...uh...well no I didn't think."
Sage Rat: "That's right! That's your problem. You don't think! No one in this god damned nation thinks! Now prepare yourselves!"
They enter a Battle.
Butters and the Party is easily defeated. They restart at a save point they just saved at. I'll add this in later or not lol. But that's where they start. As they walk across the final bridge, Butters tells them not to speak.
Sage Rat: "So you've finally made it."
Butters: "Yes! We want to help defeat Cartman!"
Sage Rat: "Very well."
They battle.
Sage Rat doesn't use his full strength.
The battle ends after so much damage is inflicted onto Sage Rat.
Sage Rat: "There was a time when the world was headed on the right track. This was a world before the existence of Cartman, although I now realize he was always there behind the scenes. Kefka, he wanted nothing more than to destroy the world. Nothing could stop him. He was God. And so, I gave my life fighting to save the People. And I am prepared to do the same again. The question is, are you? You could very well die in this quest. Do you understand that? This is no longer the safe world of South Park that you're familiar with, where miraculously you're never in any harm. Now are you ready to find out what true pain is?!"
They select yes.
Sage Rat tosses off his robes and changes into Thanatos.
With his bone hand, he sucks out their six souls.
They scream in pain.
Sage Rat as evil skeleton Thanatos becomes frozen in a diamond.
The six party members battle this diamond.
Here and there, the diamond will blink signifying Sage Rat's turn and a blue light attack will hurt them.
Finally, they break Sage Rat free.
The battle is pretty epic. Sage Rat as Thanatos dances around like the Secret of Mana Thanatos does.
The worst Sage Rat was able to do was kill four of them at once. It was down to Stan and Kyle who still hadn't unleashed their full powers. The fisherman and black guy haven't either, but they are secondary characters.
Stan: "Together, let's do this!"
Kyle; " Right! I think I can heal them. It's hard. I can't study the menu trying to ... [Sage Rat jumps down] ahh dodge this f*cker."
Stan: " GO! HEAL THEM!!! I got this f*cker now."
Stan jumps out and starts firing black blue surrounded by white electricity beams similar to a Final Fantasy 6 attack from the Machines.
He aims it at Thanatos. He misses four, five times. Then, Thanatos is heading right toward him with a Reaper / Scythe.
Stan: "Now I got you. Or maybe you got me! Ahhh [summoning energy.]"
He hits Thanatos, who goes flying back.
While Thanatos is flying back, Butters hits him.
Then, Mysterion fires darts.
The fisherman hooks him,
And the black guy lynches Thanatos.
Stan: "All of us! Let's finish this!"
Everyone casts a final attack, Thanatos is defeated. The battle field shatters into pieces.
They return back to Sage Rat.
Sage Rat: "Very good. I see that you've mastered the basics of your powers. Now, you are not strong enough to defeat Cartman yet. But search the world for allies and friends. You aren't the only ones who want to put an end to Cartman's Nightmare, an end to Hell, to bring Heaven to all. Do not forget what you are fighting for. Oh, and you're going to need to learn to fly."
Sage Rat is about to take off.
Stan: "Wait! How do we do that?"
Sage Rat: "Follow the stars."
Sage Rat takes off.
dj does random google searches lamenting that he is not smarter. All he wants to do is write a good story. He reads an interesting story how the Muslims explain Allah and God. Should I just copy and paste the first one?
dj reading the name of the user who posted it yells "Bloooop" with a weak "l" and now he yells "boooop!"
This story is recounted by user bLoOoP
"Abu Hanifa was once teaching Islamic beliefs to his students. He was arguing and challenging the validity of some of the statements which had been proclaimed by Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (a) Bahlool happened to be present as well. Abu Hanifa proclaimed that he could not agree with the three understated statements as made by the Imam.
"The first one was that “Allah can never be seen.” According to Abu Hanifa it was impossible for a thing to exist and yet be invisible!
"The second things that the Imam had stated was that “Satan (devil) will be thrown in the inferno of Hell which will scorch him bitterly.” Abu Hanifa argued: “How was it possible for fire to hurt ‘fire’, the fact that Satan was created from fire itself!”
"The third statement of the Imam was that “Man alone is responsible for his actions and Allah - the most powerful - has nothing to do with his actions.” “How is it possible, when Allah alone guides the destiny of man without Whose will nothing can happen?” This was Abu Hanifa’s third challenge.
"As soon as the speaker, Abu Hanifa, had made these three criticisms, Bahlool got up, took a piece of brick and aiming at Hanifa, let it go and cracked Abu Hanifa head.
"Bahlool was caught and taken before the Caliph for punishment. In his defence, he pleaded that he had done nothing else except reply to the three criticisms which Abu Hanifa had made against the Imam.
"The Caliph asked him to explain as to how and why he chose to reply by hitting and injuring Abu Hanifa. Bahlool said, “This man claims that if God is there, then he must be seen. He is now complaining of pain in his head due to the brick having hurt him. If the pain is definitely there, can he show me where it is? Well! just as pain can be there without being seen Allah also exists without being seen.”
“Secondly, he says that fire cannot burn fire. It is a fact that man is made out of clay and this brick with which I hit his head is also made out of clay, if clay can inflict pain and hurt clay, why can’t fire do the same to fire?”
“The third thing he says is that man is not responsible for his own actions but Allah does all things. If this is so, then why does he want justice from you and why does he want me to be punished for hurting him? He might as well transfer the punishment to Allah Who, according to him - is responsible for all the actions of man!”
"Everyone in the court was stunned at this and Abu Hanifa was dumb founded - having nothing to say. So Bahlool was released without any punishment."
Then, dj follows a link to a website called "sumbission.org" The original page is missing. However, a link catches his eye. "What is Jihad? / Meaning of Jihad in Islam / Islam and terrorism." He clicks on it.
He begins to read, "We have been witnessing the injustice and oppression done by terrorists...." dj becomes sick to his stomach! Ignorance truly makes dj feel ill.
dj: "Oh my god. I really thought that was going to say done to the Muslims. Really, people, who are the ones being oppressed, us? or them? Us violating their Holy Book or them Honoring their Holy Book? Oh god. This nation the ignorance in this nation is just so absurd. You really aren't worth saving at all. I swear, there is not one righteous person in this nation. Not one!"
dj reads the website and makes comments.
He reads, "Wherever you may be, God will summon you all."
dj: "Yeah, I will. I will hunt you down for violating God's Will."
He reads, "....Oppression is worse than murder...."
dj: "Yes, oppression is worse than murder. That is why I say it is a worst punishment to give someone life in prison. That is, it is actually cruel and unusual punishment! Just kill them. I don't know though, some of these people actually want life in prison without parole. I don't know, hmm, well that's up to them. I just think they should have an exit."
dj: "Wow, here we go sheep. Tell me that the Muslims are evil."
He reads on the website, "God has made life sacred. Killing is absolutely prohibited except for self-defense and to fight back oppression."
From the Quran 17:33, "You shall not kill any person - for God has made life sacred - except in the course of justice..."
dj: "Except in the course of justice. Let's repeat that one more time. Except in the course f justice. Let's continue."
"If one is killed unjustly, then give his heir authority to enforce justice. Thus, he shall not exceed the limits in avenging the murder; he will be helped."
dj: "Well, you know. That's not the point I'm looking for. Hold on. I'll find it. Ah, here."
From the Quran 2:193, "You may also fight them to eliminate oppression, and to worship God freely. If they refrain, you shall not agrees; aggression is permitted only against the aggressors."
dj: "Hmmm. That's your America. Whoops, sorry, you are not a nation in the eyes of God. That's you america with a lower case in case if this is being said on tv."
dj laughs. "Oh, it's a Muslim website. I just hope they were acting!"
dj reads the website. He lashes out, "Oh god." He reads on, "Wait, what is this site mocking americans?"
dj: "But you see, this whole World War 3 and sh*t is just so confusing to me. Because first america should be wiped off the face of the world. That's easy. But then everything gets so confusing after that lol. Like Allah demands Justice with Russia for invading their lands. But yet, I don't know. Let me consult with iTunes about a few unresolved questions even though they like to lie to me."
dj: "iTunes, do I come from the Russian Royalty line of Anastacia?"
iTunes 2: "Truly, madly, and deeply!"
dj: "Thank you. But I have to ask a few more times lol."
iTunes 2: "Pantala."
dj: "Pantala...what does pantala mean."
He googles it.
Pantala is a line of dragonfly.
dj: "Interesting."
Dj: "Oh, jesus. Do I have to explain how that is interesting?"
iTunes 2: "No."
dj: "Alright, still need two more yes's."
iTunes 2: "You were kept in the darkness. You're Russian, baby. Flex those muscles."
dj laughs. "What muscles? You remind me of my 9th grade gym teacher. Er 10th grade and she was like, 'hit it with your muscle!' Ha ha ha. Still, that reminds me of a hilarious story with Ronack that I want to include at some point. We were playing kickball. Now, I don't really have much sports ability, but at the time, I was especially handicapped by not being able to see. So the kickball was coming straight towards Ronack and I. I had this strategy of moving away so the other person can see clearly that it's all up to them. I don't know, I just never liked how serious and angry people would get lol. I mean, by next week, you already forgot about the game. Well, anyways, I didn't want to ruin their fun and such. So, the kickball is coming straight to Ronack and I. I stepped to the right, and Ronack stepped to the left at the same exact time! The ball just hits the wall smack in the middle of us. It was great. And there was this really odd time in the same 10th grade gym class where I just put my hands up and caught the ball even though I couldn't see it coming since I used to be blind. Very strange. And I'll just add another story of playing as referee in Bible School Kickball, somehow I caught the kickball when it came to my eye just by a mere fluke. I had this feeling though that the people there didn't have faith in me lol. Well, there was no point in including these stories."
dj: "So, you see, I'm Russian Royalty. So first, America has made a mockery out of Their Royalty. However, after America goes bye-bye. Things become so f*cked up lol. And Russia and China are supposed to fight, but then Germany is supposed to backstab Russia again. And then the Middle East is supposed to attack both Russia and China, although China they don't really have to attack, but how these Chinese think they are going to escape God's Justice is beyond me. And then the Indians and Chinese are going to fight. And Indians and Pakistanis. And the Australians and Brits. Oh yeah, a real sh*t show lol. Because this person is enemies with this person, and enemies with an enemy of their enemy so they should be friends but they're enemies! Lol. And I mean I hate Ukraine because they are the type of people that would just stand around while Jesus Christ gets slaughtered on the Cross, so it's like f*ck you Ukraine, but then at the same time, I feel their burning hatred towards Russia! It's hard, but I was able to [closes eyes, brings closed hands to head and opens them] to let's see like live the life of an Ukrainian Villager when they got decimated by tanks so it's just a sh*t show lol."
dj: "Well, anyways, this is garbage for the script. What do you want me to do, iTunes 2?"
iTunes 2: "Have a bloodbath in paradise."
dj sighs. "That doesn't really resolve my question."
iTunes 2: "Go to the library then."
dj takes a nap. "Still go to the library?"
iTunes 2: "Yes."
dj: "And post this part too? Or nah?"
[At present]
Big-Will asks what the 420 numbers. dj explains that it means weed transmissions. You are supposed to smoke weed whenever they appear on-screen.
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