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Gary Martinez, Production Assistant:
WE'RE GOING TO BE FAMOUS ON INTERNET!

PA Gary

This week's episode dabbles in the area of internet stardom and I'm starting to wonder why I wasn't consulted on this topic. My first blog of my PA career garnered 16 replies and if that doesn't mean I'm at the top of my game, what does, right?

I started to do some research and realized that lonelygirl22, or whatever her name is, got 6 trillion hits in, I believe it was like 12 hours. After seeing that I realized I was gonna have to step up my game, especially if I have to carry people like Rob and his meager 3 replies on his last blog. Good job PA Rob -- ¦or shall I call you '˜The Anchor?'

People get famous for anything nowadays and I want a piece of the action. PA Mike and I have been brainstorming ideas…

PA Mike
I'm happy to be writing this week's blog with Gary. He's a great guy, but he (and I) could both be greater.

Becoming a star for saving people in a fire, or for singing on TV is a totally lame way to become known. The cool, super easy thing to do these days is to do something stupid and then post it on 'the web' for people to laugh at you.

I know a lot of people out here who're trying to 'make it' in this business by writing, acting or assisting when really what they should be doing is letting a cat chomp them on the nutsack or set fire to their step-dad's car. (NOTE FOR STUPID PEOPLE: DO NOT DO ANYTHING WE DESCRIBE HERE).

I've come up with a pretty awesome idea for how to become famous: I'm going to take a picture of myself every day for a year while only eating snacks that I find at South Park Studios. Once I get morbidly obese, I'll just lose a bunch of weight and marry my girlfriend! Then I'll take all the pictures, animate them flickering one after another, then throw I'm a Barbie Girl” song in the background, or something. You'll be able to watch me grow like a balloon, then suddenly become super skinny. Blam. Fame, marriage, free candy. Perfect idea for a perfect life. It's one of those ideas that lets you sit back and sigh, like you've just blasted a big fart, because of how perfect and unassailable it is. How about you, Gary? Any ideas?

PA Gary
I like PA Mike's idea, but I don't know if I have the same level of dedication he has. I'm in this for the quick and easy solution. Such as:
1) Dressing up and reenacting the most famous paparazzi shots of the last year. Yes, even the upskirt shots, ya pervs.
2) Me hitting someone in the nuts while the Pope watches and laughs
3) Create a cartoon about 4 nine year olds living in Colorado
As you can see, we don't anything that seems to scream ‘superstar.’ What this means is that we want to hear from you, yes you the reader, and hear what you think is the key to internet stardom. Below this is YOUR space, to talk and giggle and dance the merry dance of internet stardom.

Also: we've added a bonus image! Can you guess what this was used for while making 'Major Boobage'?

http://images.southparkstudios.com/img/ ... og/56a.jpg

I'm sure that whatever you used that for, it is family friendly.

You guys ARE famous ! kinda... You're a part of the greatest show in the world...

But other that that you'll probably never be famous...

And hey, what's the deal with the Danes in the upcoming episode?

Shocker? No wait, was holding a cup involved?

Key to internet stardom... key to internet stardom...
Well, androgyny seems to be Chris Crocker's thing, repetition seems to work for the crew at Weebls-Stuff (badgers)... I dunno. I may have to sleep on it and get back to you.

I like your pic a day idea (I hate the other versions of it, but I'd like that one)
(Warning, Toxic Doses Of Cynicism) If ya want a huge amount of views, you need a clip show set to "Soulja Boy" (Or a bunch of dogs barking, either way), preferrably of Simpsons moments, (Put a pic of yourself at the end and then you're famous)
With that in mind, I'd just not do any of it, and not be part of making people stupid.
Or you could do something okay, and write a song and post it. If its quirky and pretentious and redundant enough (and you publicize it) it'll get a lot of views.
But then theres also just good, thoughtful stuff which gets views, if often a few less. I'd try that route, if possible.
...You should have an office competittion to see who can make something that gets the most views! Pull a Kenny Vs Spenny.

I was a bit miffed to have at least one person consider my 'how to be a PA' post a few weeks to be in all seriosity so let's make this very clear (yes, you STEWpid) this ain't serious, kay?

In order to become famous you have to think INSIDE the box - not outside it. The fact that there is no actual box at all isn’t important right now.

Celeb circles are full of people who are truly talentless, with intelligence that matches that of a piece of wood, all encased in a thin veneer that captures the personality of a corporate coffee table. That veneer often isn't very pretty to look at either - it's been over polished and resurfaced too many times.

Basically, don’t be too original or in fact, don’t original at all. Your new celeb friends will be pissed off with you before you’ve even met them. You may need them in the future for walking out of posh restaurant paparazzi pics that remind people you’re still alive when your fame flame is burning low in 2-4 months time.

Method One - a 'leaked' over the internet sex tape!
Quelle horreur pour vous (you fake it and in many ways), but quelle spondulicks and media attention pour vous if you've made sure to get your percentages in place before the carefully planned sh*t hits the fan/web.

Oh, if only Madonna had been 30 years old now instead of flashing her 50 year old snatch around for attention. Her sex book may have sold big 15 years ago but it stymied her career. These days a leaked sex tape and/or sex photos on the net is probably part of a young aspiring celeb’s business plan.

Method Two – become a mad fan!
This has more bad sides than good BUT you can get lots of attention – hard to see where the money is tho.

So, you create a webpage dedicated to the object of your frighteningly obsessive devotion. Pick someone who hasn’t been targeted before – this means, Britney’s out (sorry) and also Catherine Zeta Jones, Colin Farrell and John Cusack. From this random list you can see the possibilities are endless.

Post fabulously insane blogs regularly about your subject but include some completely unrelated information on current world events to really underline your lack of perspective. For example, this could include a sentence such as:
“Angelina is the new Mother Teresa and people should realise what she IS doing because of all the INJUSTICE in the world every day like in Africa and learn from how Angelina lives her life so beautifully with her beautiful children. She is BEAUTIFUL!!!”

Remember to use lot of words in CAPITALS like THIS!!! Bad spelling and grammar are your choice.

It’s important to become increasingly insane by posting how much you love your celeb target but that you’re sure he/she owes you money and although you don’t mind that, he/she DID promise to pay your rent for the next six months but so far, your landlord, a local police officer and the people you shout at waiting at the nearest bus stop don’t seem to believe you. Typical, eh?

Also, the occasional crazy fan video blog might help but if you’re anything like me and didn’t think it was funny, knew it wasn’t real and wanted to strangle Chris Cocker maybe you should steer away from this area.

Method Three – Sleep with someone famous and sell your story!
Pick a famous person who is married, even supposedly happily married and seduce them. Either gender is fair game.

Make sure the event involves drug taking and include any personal details of the person’s partner coupled with intimate details of your crazy sex play (For example – “ ‘he/she never goes down on my like that!’ he/she groaned as we started round three of our raunchy cocaine fuelled night of passion”) and you’re onto a winner.

Hell, a good tabloid editor will help you ‘remember’ the details in a more graphic manner anyway. It’s a good idea to contact US and British tabloids to optimise your sex scandal story and money.

Look on the internet now to check the conversion rates of the dollar to GBP and Euro – it will give you that extra incentive to go global with the story.

The future isn’t very bright but lots of reality TV shows are crying out for sad, fourth-rate, Z-list ‘celebs’ like you so you could get maybe two years out of one night of indifferent sex with a self obsessed twit. No bad, eh?

Method Four – hard work, an original idea or lots of them, actual talent and being nice!
OK – I knew you wouldn’t be fooled by that one but hey, stranger things have happened.

How to get famous as quick as possible,

I think the best way would to be make a series of movies where you ride around butt naked on the back of a st bernard wearing an empty bud-lite 6 pack for a crown and a toilet brush for a septar declaring "beholed the Bud king!" at random people.

I can see the marketing potential in this. Get those Bud King t-shirts ready!

And, to be a dick (I'm not Scott!) I'd like to clarify most things people call Random, are "arbitrary", and even then, not always.

You could try getting naked and taking a diarrhea dump into a cup and then getting a couple of your buddies to drink it and throw up into each others mouths.

Gag humor, my friend, gag humor. Just like Family Guy.

two words:
SEX-TAPE

I think I'll go with number 3: "create a cartoon about 4 nine year olds living in colorado"...That seems pretty easy...

Best way to get famous is to try something that has never been done..(Two Girls One Cup)

You just gotta do something that noone would ever do. That getting fat idea is pretty good. I think you should make a pool of jello and jump in, that is something I have always wanted do!

The only way to succeed on the internet is to pass through the mighty "WATERGATE":



Watergate:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ac7196e5c8


or you'll end up like...

Bradley Cooper: Commercial Writer

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c105cf1fbd

6000% of what's celebrated on the Internet is based solely on the wonderful German concept of schadenfreude (German for "shameful joy" or "joy at another person's expense").

So anything that taps into that is golden.

Being an Internet celebrity must be pretty sweet though. Everyone knows who you are, because they've all laughed at what a piece of sh*t you are, but you don't get to make any money!

and i wonna be realy suuuper starrrrrr ;(

and I'll tell u, but it's a biggest secret in the world, in Ukraine to come suuuuper starrr mean to have a huge boobs ;( but i cannot have em - i'm a boy ;(