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moral of today's story- phrasing is everything

i took care of an issue with a coworker's laptop and said "congrats, now you're fixed"

my boss told me to stop neutering the staff.

tried the voice text thing on my phone.

i said "got a last minute project, going to be late"

the phone sent "got last minute thong superior. google layer."

So we're now packing beer in six pack. CEO though it would be cool to put fliers explaining how beer is made in them. It says on them that fermentation occurs at 120°C (instead of 12). Now we have few thousands misprinted fliers.

I backed over a curb yesterday and took part of the front of the car with it. Estimate so far is upward of $1200. I think I'll bring insurance in on it.

While doing my work on the iMac today, I accidentally did some combination of mouse clicks and keyboard buttons to cause the screen to get all f*cked up. It like zoomed in on everything a little bit and then would pan around as I moved the mouse. I have no idea how the fuck I did it, how the fuck to make it stop or why the fuck that would even be a feature you would want on an operating system.

I completely lost my shit for brief moment and destroyed a decorative item in the room as I loudly cursed Apple. Good thing I work from home because if I was in an office still, it would have been quite a show for everyone.

I had to restart the computer to get it to stop that irritating nonsense. I've been doing stuff on Macs for like 8 years and I've never encountered this stupidity before. Just when I think I'm used to all the little quirks of MacOS, something like this just appears. So I'm pinning this fail on Apple, and not on me.

I couldn't help myself... I had to laugh.

I kept slipping over in the snow. I blamed the ice. Now the ice has gone i have no excuse but my clumsiness

Not sure how to sneak my way into going to the club with people.