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To whom it may concern,

Where there is darkness I am the light and if you’re blind there’s nothing I can do to make things brighter…sorry. People call me Protector of the Arctic, The Blubbery Bird, The Tuxedoed Belly Slider, but most of all they call me… The Mighty Penguin!

I may not be able to fly but I can swim and walk faster than humans. My tuxedo suit made of pure titanium provides protection during the harsh arctic winters and enemy attacks. My Super Powerful Bluetooth Penguin Bow Tie not only allows me to keep watch over my rookery and rookeries abroad it also helps me get mad lady penguins. If all that’s not impressive enough, Morgan Freeman narrates my life.

It is clear I am the chosen Penguin to defend this earth, but I am not complete. There is one thing I am missing that I have been longing for. Sidekicks.

I have always wanted to be a part of “Coon and Friends!” My old mentor Mysterion has educated me in the ways of the group and now I feel I am ready to join their ranks.

So now I turn to you, trusted fan. What do you think it takes to be a member of “Coon and Friends?”

Do you think you know the identities of my fellow crime fighters?

Bet you can’t guess my identity…

Sincerely.

The Mighty Penguin

PS. Enjoy tonight’s Episo

My guess, Mr. or Ms. P.N. Guin is:

The Coon - Cartman
Prof. Chaos - Butters
Toolshed - Stan
The Human Kite - Kyle
Mintberry Crunch - Kenny
Tupperware - Token
Iron Maiden - Timmy
Mosquito - Clyde
Mysterion - Bradley

And now, to join Coon and Friends, you must be a 4th Grader in Mr. Garrison's class. Good swimmer, huh? We just saw Jimmy swimming in Crippled Summer episode S14E07; So I would say Jimmy. But I'm hoping you are one of the girls, Penguin, like Wendy or Bebe or Red or Annie. Hmmm....

My guess for the Penguin is: Pip Just Kidding.

Definitely a 4th grader from Mr. Garrison's class per "The Coon," episode 1302.

Mighty Penguin - For me, it's between Jimmy or Wendy.

Good luck on tomorrows show, 1412: Mysterion Rises

I would like proof of this requirement. And how do you know he's not, anyway?

If the part about Morgan Freeman narrating your life is true, then you must be either the ever-pooping guy named Douglas, created by Butters, or Butters himself.

This is all the proof you need: In "The Coon,"
1. Mr. Garrison said "Wow, a kid from my class was Mysterion."
2. Cartman himself said "I knew it was you! 'Member I even said it before!" The ones he mentioned before were Craig, Stan, Kenny, Kyle and Clyde.
3. We can rule Stan out, 'cause he's Toolshed.
4. We can rule Kyle out, since Mysterion visited him twice, once in his room, once in jail in the deleted scene.
5. We can rule Craig out, 'cause he's not among the Friends when Stan tells them they will have to suit up again. That leaves Kenny and Clyde.

Now, if this is about The Mighty Penguin and not Mysterion, then hell, it could be Muhammad. Or Keef Bartkus.

Thanks, Big-Will; I was trying to find a video clip of that scene, but this transcript will do

As for:

" 5. We can rule Craig out, 'cause he's not among the Friends when Stan tells them they will have to suit up again. That leaves Kenny and Clyde."

The above paragraph is fine for "Who is Mysterion," but what about: "Who is the 'Mighty Penguin'? nall is correct The Mighty Penguin does NOT have to be a member of Mr. Garrison's class; only Mysterion has to be

At this point in time, only Mysterion knows who The Mighty Penguin is

Nice catch, nall!

Now for several dozen threads (please make one mega-thread about this, Big-Will or nall, or leave it here in this blog:

WHO IS THE MIGHTY PENGUIN???

How about Ike?

Go Ike

But I'm still hoping for one of the girls; but we don't have a clue to whom The Mighty Penguin is - maybe even an adult Randy is the Easter Bunny, so let's hope it's not him

uh.... its steve.

As zzyxx so clearly noted, we were discussing requirements for joining Coon and Friends, not requirements for being Mysterion

Okay...
A) Kick ass costume.
B) Awesome superpower or ability.
3. A kick ass lair.
D) Good list of catch phrases. (not necessarily a list of good catch phrases)
E)A complete lack of regard for your own personal safety.
F5. Profit!

Profit! ??? That's for the "super heros" known as "Underpants Gnomes," see episode 217,"Gnomes."

Steve Jobs, right? Steve Jobs having hard time finding sidekicks and infiltrating the superheroes makes total sense to me. Protected by his stunning titanium penguin suite with bluetooth bow tie, accompanied by his newfound friends he can finally lead his own march of the penguins.
On Microsoft.

I don't know. But that is definitely not Keef Bartkus. Unless I'm extremely confused.

It's kinda funny though. I've been thinking about penguins all day...

And I still think Mysterion is going to mysteriously change every time we see him. That'd be fun at least.

"Keef Bartkus" I've always loved his name. "Keeeeeeef Bartkussss"... It's like a meditation mantra or somesuch. It's so relaxing when said in succession.

Please, for the love of sweet baby Santa-Jesus, could somebody upload a clean version of the Coon Alert to the downloads page?